Nethertrim

By Dustin on October 26, 2007 8:53 PM Posted in:
heidi-montag-pink-bikini.jpg

Nethertrim Defined
The triangle-shaped area immediately above the female nether regions, i.e., where female reproduction takes place; it can be groomed (trimmed) or ungroomed (untrimmed), depending on the personal tastes of the  female in question.


There was a time mere months ago when gossip publications had exacting, rigorous publication standards. In order to  merit inclusion in their publications, two factors need be met: 1) the female celebrity would not only have to deign to remove her underclothing and proffer an unsuspecting photog a peek-a-boo of her nethers, but she 2) would also have to be a celebrity. Lately, however, the supply of celebrity nethertrim has dried up, and gossip publications (or, “rags,” as they/we are popularly known) have resorted to publishing items that merely speculate at the possibility of nethertrim.

Take, for instance, reports that Heidi Montag and her fiancĂ©, Spencer Pratt, have floated rumors around the interwebs that their co-star on “The Hills,” Lauren Conrad, has a sex tape with her ex-boyfriend, “Laguna Beach” star Jason Wahler. Pratt -- who likely lives up to his namesake -- denies the rumor that he and Heidi spread a rumor, stating to People, “"I don't think (Heidi) would even know how to log in to her website. I don't even know how to run that. They're trying to track down whose IP (address) it was. We got Jack Bauer on it." My concern here, however, is not with the sex tape, or rumored sex tape, or with who started the rumor, or with the whole convoluted state of affairs, but with the attention being paid to the participants in this gossip item. Who, prey tell, are Spencer Pratt, Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, and Jason Wahler, and why should I care about them? Mayhaps I’ve been so addled by the proliferation of nipple slips and exposed beaver that I missed the watershed moment in which these personalities were introduced to our popular consciousnesses. And if that is indeed the case, then I apologize, dear readers. I will make it a point to uncover the truthities behind this duplicitous matter, and bring you the details forthwith. Gossip details of this magnitude shall not be ignored by your faithful servants at Webster’s is my Bitch.

 

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