Look, Jenna Fischer. I think you know how we feel about you. We're fans. We love the whole Jim & Pam thing, and we like that you're appearing in a smattering of films these days. We look forward to seeing you in Walk Hard in a couple of weeks. So, now what you know we love you, you'll know that this is coming from a good place and that we're only looking out for you, sweetheart. We realize you're relatively new to this whole red-carpet concept, so let me give you a few tips.

• First off, honey, it's all about angles; when you know a photographer is taking a picture, hold your chin up a little and turn your head to the side slightly; you don't want to look all jowly and double-chinny.
  
• Second, you really need to work on your fake smile, darling -- when you're showing off your pearly whites for the cameraman, separate your teeth slightly and try not to look like you're trying to wiggle your ears or talk for your ventriloquist dummy.
  
• And, finally, stay away from the Aquanet, sugar. You've got enough hair spray coursing through your mane to put a healthy dent in the ozone. You're at the Kodak Theater, babe; this isn't the Miss Jersey Trailer Park Awards or a Monster Truck Rally. I haven't seen hair poufed that high since the Poison/Cinderella double bill at the state fair back in 1996.
  

As for that dress, and the poses below, I don't even know where to start.