Guess these celebrity scents: Potatoes; cheap whiskey and vomit; and sweat, cheetos, and Marlboro Lights, with a whiff of menstruation. (Yeeeah!)

Ask Men has ranked the 99 hottest women -- and the number one choice really ought to be closer to no where on this fucking list. (Ask Men)

Maggie Gyllenhaal also plays the lesbian card, now with video goodness! (IDLYITW)

The McConaughspawn will dance on the beach; he will smoke the reefer; and he will rule the playground. (Celebrity Smack)

Wait a second: Jewel has a last name to go along with those killer legs? (usemycomputer)

Jennifer Garner remains well-adjusted; creates havoc on gossip bloggers. (Ayyyy!)

Avril Lavigne rocks the blue bikini. (The Blemish)

Ethan Hawke diddles the nanny; creates beautiful life. (Celebitchy)

Clear the fog out of your mind; triple check the image; then caption! (Evil Beet)

Who doesn't love "Star Trek" orgasms? (College Humor)

Fancy Lesbian: Noun. A homosexual woman with a penchant for men's formal wear.

Who is this lady, and why is she wearing a tie? No wait, I get it... She must be one of those fancy lesbians like Melissa Etheridge or K.D. Lang.

Hmm... But that still doesn't explain why her name is allegedly Steven Cojocaru. That doesn't sound very lesbianish to me.

Unflattering. Adjective. Showing or representing unfavorably.

Kristen Bell and Hayden Panettiere, among others, we're rocking the ... er ... blue carpet at the Old Navy "New Year, New Old Navy" event last night, and I have to wonder: Are those actual Old Navy ensembles? Or did Kristen and Hayden just rummage through their closet and seek out the most unflattering outfits they could find? Although, Kristen's mini-skirt with pockets and a slit down the back is a nice touch, and Hayden's blouse -- which looks like frilly gauze -- really shows off her ... arms?

Lesbiana. Noun. Spanish. A female homosexual; a woman who is sexually attracted to other women. 

W.I.M.B. has learned exclusively from Nickelodeon executives and Eric Weiner, one of the creators of "Dora the Explorer" that, in a future episode (episodio), the popular cartoon character will visit the Island of Lesbos, where she will reveal to her audience that she is a lesbian (lesbiana). During the episode, Dora, accompanied by Boots the Monkey, will pull a row boat (barco de la fila) out of her magic backpack and, with the assistance of the Map, sail 200 miles off the coastline of Greece (Grecia). Once she's arrived at Lesbos Island, Dora will announce that she has long been in love with Marianna the Mermaid.

The episode is expected to air in May (Mayo).

Command-Z: Jargon. Apple keyboard command for undo, commonly used by design geeks.

NOOO!!! What has Julie Benz done to her lovely blonde hair? Command-Z!! Command-Z, I say!

Oprahtastic. Adjective. So unbelievably awesome, it makes your hands shake, your head ache, your ears bleed, and your stomach cramp. 

Have you seen Daniel Edwards new bronzed celebrity sculpture, The Oprah Sarcophagus? Man, that shit is Oprahtastic.

Anybody got any Pepto?

MILF: Acronym. Abbreviation of the phrase "Mom I'd Like to Fuck" popularized by the film American Pie.

Me-ow! Not to be crass or anything, but is Susan Sarandon totally one smoking hot MILF or what?! You work that black brassiere, Ms. S! Oh, I suppose Eva Amurri is okay, too. Maybe if she's lucky, someday she'll mature into a foxy old cougar like her mom.

Overkill. Noun. An excess of what is required or suitable, as because of zeal or misjudgment.

I'll be honest with you, I'm sort of off the Britney crazy train for the moment. I'm not entirely sure what happened to her last night, but I do know that she was once again forcibly escorted to the hospital by the police. I reckon she must have had another psychotic break -- I guess one of her personalities was clashing with another one. Whatever. And, frankly, at this point, I don't give a rat's ass. But what struck me as odd was the following:

Spears, 26, was rushed into an ambulance from a side entrance of her home in the Studio City district shortly after 1 a.m. (4 a.m. EST), escorted by more than a dozen motorcycle officers, two police cars and two police helicopters, the Times reported, citing unidentified authorities.(Source)

A dozen motorcycle officers? Two police cars? Two police helicopters? We're talking about a goddamn crazy white girl -- she's not the President of the United States or even Hannah Montana. Isn't that a bit of overkill? We're helicopters really necessary? Was there some fear that Britney would jump out of the ambulance and take flight? Jesus Christ -- just leave the woman alone. She'll eventually wear herself out.

Poontang: Noun. A woman or women regarded solely in terms of potential sexual gratification.

I CALLED IT, everybody! Paris Hilton officially likes herself some poontang. Us Magazine says so, and far be it from them to exaggerate or embellish anything.

Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were "all over each other and making out" at New York's Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.

I can't say that I don't understand. For example, say you really liked pepperoni pizza. I mean, loved pepperoni pizza. And maybe you ate it like, all the time. I'd say anywhere from three to six times a day, from pizza places all over town. Sometimes maybe you'd even eat it from a couple different pizza places at once, with a slice in each hand. But then maybe one day you'd think to yourself, "I wonder what mushroom tastes like?"

And let's face it -- if you're going to go gay for mushroom pizza, I can think of worse mushrooms than Elisha Cuthbert.

I can't even keep up with all of Britney's shit anymore so I may as well leave it to a specialist in the gossip field. (Yeeeah!)

Aww. "That Dude Who Points" looks like the perfect guy for Linds! (CelebWarship)

And speaking of dudes, who the hell is this dude? (Evil Beet)

Avril Lavigne with her stupid pink hair in a stupid pink bikini. (The Blemish)

Jessica Alba conceals her bump with a shitload of ruching. (usemycomputer)

Denise Richards sucked at being a Bond Girl as much as she sucked at picking out a husband. (Agent Bedhead)

If a dude had that much money, wouldn't he also to be to afford a younger and prettier wife than Paula Abdul? (Celebitchy)

I think Tom Petty is totally prettier than Mischa Barton. (Ayyyy!)

Mmm... Hot, buttered Gosling. (Wendy Wayrad)

Ay Caramba: Expression. An exclamation of disgust or surprise in Latin American Spanish; popularized by the television series "The Simpsons."

Because apparently it wasn't fucking annoying enough when Lisa converted to Buddhism, Bart Simpson is now a Scientologist. Or Nancy Cartwright, the middle-aged actress who voices the character, is anyway. And not just any Scientologist, either! Queen Shit of Scienturd mountain has reportedly donated 10 million dollars to "help spread the word of founder L. Ron Hubbard into other galaxies."

I guess now they're going to have to come up with some new catchphrases to slap onto T-Shirts and other merchandise. Maybe "Eat My Body Thetans!" or "Don't Have a Xenu, Man!" No wait, how about "Ay Caramba! I'm a Stupid Fucking Scientologist?" Perfect.

Balls-Out Awesome. Adjective. Definition unclear; When I checked it in Websters, it just had a picture of Tom Petty.

You know what's ball-out awesome? Tom Petty's plans for the Super Bowl's half-time show:

Instead of rehearsing an elaborate stage show -- complete with countless dancers, multiple songs, fireworks, and the rest -- Tom Petty has decided that during Sunday’s halftime show he’ll simply play “Through the Fire and Flames” on his Nintendo Wii, and then walk off the stage.

“I just figured, why waste all that time? Why make everyone sit through an insufferable halftime show again?” said Petty, who is very excited about the game between the Giants and Patriots. “Instead, I’m just going to bitch DragonForce on ‘expert,’ which should be enough show for everyone.”

Through the Fire and Flames is known for a remarkably complicated note pattern, and finishing it on expert mode is considered (in the Wii/Guitar Hero III community) to be like climbing Mount Everest. (Source)

Finally, a reason to watch the Super Bowl half-time show besides the remote possibility of catching a glimpse boob.

Bastardization. Verb. To lower in condition or worth; debase.

Gemma Arterton, the next Bond girl, has hinted that she and Bond will wed in the next Bond flick, the horribly titled Quantum of Solace. Seriously? Bond married? What a complete bastardization of the Bond franchise -- James Bond doesn't get married (putting On Her Majesty's Service aside); he drinks and he sport fucks and he shoots bad guys. I just knew that when (fucking) Paul Haggis starting writing Bond screenplays that this is where we were heading. Damnit -- the extended, overlong, overplayed, dull-as-hell romance in Casino Royale was bad enough; now the guy is gonna get hitched? Jezum Crow.

 

Clingy: Adjective. To hold fast or adhere to as by grasping, sticking, or embracing.

Oh hey, look everybody, it's Jason Biggs! Wonder what he's been up to lately? Because clearly, what he hasn't been up to is mastering the intricacies of "personal space." If he holds girlfriend Jenny Mollen any tighter, he might damn well break her ribs. Give the girl some breathing room! If there is one thing I cannot tolerate, it's some clingy-ass man. I'd put a stop to this shit toot-sweet, preferably by way of stiletto heel crushing the living hell out of his foot.

Straitjacket. Noun. A garment shaped like a jacket with overlong sleeves. The ends of these can be tied to the back of the wearer, so their arms are kept close to their chest with possibility of only little movement.

Oh man: It won't be long now before poor Katie is put in a straightjacket and thrown into a padded room. First, she storms out of a "crisis meeting" with her husband because she's apeshit furious over the reception her latest film, Mad Money (which Tom told her to do instead of The Dark Knight -- brilliant!), as well as the damage the leaked Scientology video featuring Tom Cruise revealing his inner banana has caused.

The actress is said to be inconsolable after a string of leaked Scientology videos, featuring her husband saluting a portrait of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, declaring war on psychiatry and claiming that members of his religion are "the only ones who can really help" accident victims, have flooded the Internet and divided Hollywood. (Source)

Amidst all the anger, however, Katie also prompted speculation that she's preggernant when she bought a "Big Sister" t-shirt for her daughter Suri. I hope that straightjacket fits over her baby bump.

I wonder if crazy is contagious? 

Humiliating: Verb. Make (someone) feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, esp. publicly.

In the above video, Jessica Simpson calls Tony Romo a "pussy" to a whole nightclub of people (who in turn, all start chanting pussy) to get him to come up on stage to sing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" with her. Maybe she could have just pulled down his pants and pointed and laughed at his penis in front of everyone, while Papa Joe lurked up sniggering and holding his fingers like an inch apart, as Tony just stood there crying with his pants down. Because that probably still would have been less humiliating than what happened here.

Dismayed: Adjective. Struck with fear, dread, or consternation.

Don't get me wrong, folks: Joss Whedon is one of the good guys. "Firefly" is one of my favorite television shows, and though I never quite understood the "Buffy" love, I don't begrudge it, either. But Whedon has left me slightly dismayed with a nugget he shared on the weekly Geeks On podcast:

"I hate Weird Science not a little," Whedon said during the podcast, which was devoted to the theme of artificial intelligence. "I find it offensive, the boy fantasy of building a girl. Obviously, we were doing the nasty version of it [in Buffy the Vampire Slayer], because I find it grotesque." (Source)

Dude. You belittle Weird Science? I see where you're coming from, man, but do you realize how much your alienating your fan base: A bunch of Browncoats and Buffy geeks whose only real chance at getting laid this decade is by building a fantasy girl on their computer (don't forget to wear a bra on your head, gentlemen). And man: That's Kelly LeBrock in her prime -- there are more than a few women who switched teams in their teens thanks to that flick. I appreciate the sentiment, Joss, but I think you're distaste for Weird Science is misguided.

She has not aged well, however, so I'll give you that:

 

Habitual Drunkard: Noun. A person who is habitually drunk; a drunken retard.

Habitual drunkard and known mental case Sean Young entered rehab this Monday after making a huge, boozy spectacle of herself at the Directors Guild of America Awards over the weekend. Young was forcibly removed from the event after heckling The Diving Bell and the Butterfly director Julian Schnabel during his acceptance speech.

Uh yeah, somehow I don't think good old fashioned rehab is gonna cut it. Let's not forget this is the woman who stalked James Woods and showed up at Warner Brothers wearing cat suit in a plea to get a part in Batman Returns. She is basically like an old lady version of Britney Spears only without all the cameras and people who give a shit.

Britney has officially become a parody of a caricature of a parody of herself. (Yeeeah!)

Name that Sweaty, Heaving Chest? (Fatback and Collards)

Nothing -- and I mean nothing -- beats Ducks on an Escalator. (College Humor)

Jennifer Garner won't have a problem hearing you. (Celebrity Smack)

Quentin Tarantino goes apeshit, then maintains cool at Sundance. (Cityrag)

Michael Lohan is gonna kick some coke-dealing ass. And then he'll probably swipe the stash. (Celeb Warship)

Ashton and Shia share a bromantic evening together. (Jaunted)

Michael Showalter rhapsodizes about the future of shampoo. (Comedy Central Insider)

Warner Herzog's terminally odd, unusual Stroszek reviewed. (All Movie Blog)

Pick: Verb. Choose from a number of alternatives, typically after careful thought.

Miley Cyrus has had her name legally changed to Miley Ray Cyrus, after her father Billy Ray Cyrus. Good freaking grief, can she please just pick a damn name already and stick with it? Let me try to recap, for those of you who don't have the goddamn degree in rocket science which is apparently required to figure out what the hell to call this person. She was born Destiny Hope Cyrus, but started going by Miley Cyrus which had evolved from a childhood nickname "Smiley." Hannah Montana, on the other hand, is actually the character she plays on her Disney show about a normal girl living a secret life as a pop star. And now she's apparently going by Miley Ray.

Got all that? Like we all don't know damn well it's completely inconsequential anyway, since in five years everyone will be calling her Washed-Up McGutterSkank.

Bloat. Noun. To become swollen; be puffed out or dilated.

I just wanted to commend the graphics department in charge of the movie poster for Vince Vaughn's upcoming Wild West Comedy Show. They did a helluva job of airbrushing the bloat right out of Vaughn. Either that, or they just used a photo of Vince circa Swingers. Vince: Get some sleep, brother. You're getting fat rolls underneath your eyes. And lay off the deep-dish pizza, my man.

More from the premier of Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show.

Heavy-handed: Adjective.Clumsy; awkward; tactless; indiscreet; oppressive; harsh.

Because I lost a bet with the readers of our sister site, I'm prohibited from ever mentioning Paul Haggis' motherfucking Oscar-winning Crash on Pajiba again, which is a shame, because the news out today is that Starz has decided to run a 13-part mini-series based on the movie, the network's first original drama series. You know what that means, right? Thirteen goddamn hours of heavy-handedness. Thirteen hours of beat you over the head pseudo-intellectual crap. Thirteen hours of oppressive, grade-school morality. I officially know what hell would be like now -- and it would be 13-hours on a loop.

Stud: Noun. A man thought to be very active sexually or regarded as a good sexual partner.

Well, well, well! And just who is this delicious looking stud? I don't believe we've met honey, so maybe you'd like to come back to my place and slide between two giant pieces of ciabatta bread while I slather you in chipotle sauce?

Wait, your name is Peter Billingsley, you say? Oh dear lord, it's "Ralphie" from A Christmas Story. No! Bad thoughts! Naughty thoughts!

Hmm... Then again, maybe just a little chipotle wouldn't hurt. Would it? Still got that giant bunny outfit? Yeah, you might want to bring that along, too.

Precarious. Adjective: Exposed to or involving danger; dangerous; perilous; risky.

Well, there's a precarious situation: Playing the lead role in the Sydney stage production of Edward Scissorhands. Wait? There's a stage production? And it's, like, a ballet? With no words? What the hell?

Nauseating: Verb. Make (someone) feel sick; affect with nausea.

Oh, blech. Would you look at these two? How dare Drew Barrymore and the Mac Guy (I don't care how many films Justin Long does, he's the "Mac Guy" and that's that) nauseate us with their happiness? They look like a couple of googlie-eyed, stupid faced teenagers posing for prom pictures. And if that's the case, it looks like one lucky lady is totally getting drunk off of Mike's Hard Lemonade and laid in the backseat of a Dodge Neon tonight. Score!

Dodged a Bullet. Idiom. If someone has dodged a bullet, they have successfully avoided a very serious problem.

No offense to Fred Savage, who announced this week that he and his wife were expecting their second child, but man: Winnie Cooper totally dodged a bullet when that relationship went sour. Could you imagine Winnie's dismay if, 15 years later, she -- looking like she does today -- rolled over in bed and realized that she was married to him?

Lesbo: Noun. Slang term for a woman who is homosexual.

Paris Hilton was seen leaving the notorious lesbian bar Falcon this weekend, for the second time in three weeks -- this time holding hands with fellow reality skank Brittny Gastineau. Just the mere thought that Paris Hilton is secretly a big honkin lesbo is enough to give me night sweats; not to mention the prospect of her infecting both sides of the playing field. Can you imagine? No man, woman or child on this planet will be safe from her reign of sexually transmitted terror. That dumb asshole Bin Laden only wishes he was this scary.

Exasperated. Adjective. Greatly annoyed; out of patience.

See that exasperated look on Jason Bateman's face? That's the look everyone gets when standing next to Mark McGrath, formerly of the music group, Sugar Ray. Why? Because, when approaching McGrath, it's humanly impossible not to get "Every Morning" stuck in your head:

Every morning there's a halo hangin
from the corner of my girlfriend's four post bed
I know it's not mine but I'll see if I can use it for
the weekend or a one-night stand

A-OK: Adjective. In good order or condition; all right.

Barbara Walters revealed on "The View" today that Britney Spears' BFF Sam Lufti called to inform her that Britney has been to see a psychiatrist and is consequently seeking treatment for her mental issues.

Welp everybody, sounds like Britney Spears is gonna be A-OK!

And just in case you were wondering -- yes, that is in fact a photo of Britney getting rather intimate with her dog "London" in what appears to be the Hustler store in Los Angeles. Yep, just A-OK!

Leveling the Playing Field. Idiom.To give everyone the same advantages or opportunities.

Tom Brady, who is suffering from a leg injury that requires he wear a walking cast, is trying to level the playing field ahead of the Super Bowl matchup with Eli Manning and the Giants. Unfortunately, to truly level the playing field against Eli, Brady would need to break both legs and show up to the game completely loaded, though even then, I'd give the Pats a 10 point advantage.

Oh Hell No: Colloquial. Expression used to convey disgust or outrage, incorporating pun with actresses last name.

Sometimes I wonder if actresses purposely pick out the ugliest dress they can find to wear to these events, just so they'll be talked about the next day. Well congratulations, Sandra Oh. I'm talking about you all right -- and I'm saying you're the gift that nobody wanted. Just so you're cool with it.

Shocking! The French, mangled face stripper from "Rock of love" dabbled in porno! (Fatback)

Really, is there ever a bad time for a New Kids on the Block comeback? (Celebitchy)

Another week and another cock for Lindsay Lohan! (PopOnThePop)

Is there seriously any way Milo Ventimiglia doesn't feel like a dirty old man? (JordanIsYourHomeboy)

Exhibit B that proves Angelina is expecting. (Ayyyy!)

Holy shit! Did Sly Stallone really say this? That. Is awesome. (The Blemish)

Ever wondered what Amy Winehouse would be like if she didn't have a drug problem and was cute? (Agent Bedhead)

Cate Blanchett pays tribute to Heath ledger at the SAG awards. (CelebWarship)

All Britney needs are some talking animals and it'll be like right out of a Disney feature. Oh but wait, except that in Britney's world, animals do talk to her. (Yeeeah!)

Egyptian: Adjective. Of or relating to Egyptian antiquities.

It's not even that I hate this dress that Debra Messing is wearing here. Hell, I'd even go so far to say that it's not even one of the worst crimes of Bedazzling I've ever seen. But the thing is, I can't help thinking she looks like an extra who wandered off the set of Michael Jackson's "Remember the Time" video. You know the one, right? Where they were in Ancient Egypt and Eddie Murphy was the Pharaoh and Michael with his gold lame mock turtleneck of fabulosity were trying to steal away Cleopatra? "On the phone you and me -- til dawn, two or three? What about us girl?"

Preggernant: Adjective. The combination of the words "pregnant" and "preggers" to make an even more fun word used to describe a woman with a baby developing in the uterus.

Holy shit guys, Angelina Jolie is totally PREGGERNANT! Okay yeah, I know there were "unconfirmed" rumors and all, but you'll have to excuse my skepticism since Angelina Jolie doesn't so much, well, eat -- and fetuses can't live off of toaster shakins and tang sandwiches, you know. But this dress? To the SAG Awards, no less? Well, this is what us in the gossip biz would refer to as irrefutable scientific evidence: there's babies in them thar hills!

Retarded: Adjective. Less advanced in mental, physical, or social development than is usual.

I've seen Sarah Jessica Parker wear a lot of ugly shit in my day, but this outfit here just might be the most retarded thing I've ever seen anyone wear in my entire life. And yes that includes offerings from such 'tard greats as Bjork, Bai Ling and Mayim Bialik from "Blossom."

It's almost as if a small child was playing "fashion designer" with their Barbie and somehow Barbie ended up wearing a scrunchie and the shoes off a Bratz doll. But even so, if my kid did something like this? I'd make her (or him, since I'd be a progressive parent) go sit in the corner and think about what they did.

Leather: Noun. A material made from the skin of an animal by tanning or a similar process.

Oh hey, uhhh, take it easy on Schwarzenegger's face there, Sly. Because, psssst... I think the man's had some work done. And I don't know how well even the work of a master like "Dr. 90210" could hold up to a pummeling from Rocky himself. Not that you'd know anything about that, Stallone. Because having skin like buttery smooth stretched and tumbled leather at age 60+ is clearly the work of nothing more than a daily exfoliating routine, right?

Lucy Liu thinks dressing like an ass will make her some kind of fashion icon. Wrong and wrong. (Evil Beet)

Now this is just an insult to the good names of Aladdin and Jasmine. (The Blemish)

What's that I smell? Oh, Tara... (IDLYITW)

In the case of 19 month old Suri, Tom Cruise you are NOT the father! (Celebitchy)

The Kardasians kram themselves into a couple of bikinis. (Fatback)

On the upcoming season of Flavor of Love," Flav is going to put his stank down on a pair of twins! No, like the identical sibling kind of twins. (DListed)

Dustin reports back from Sundance -- that little such and such! (Pajiba)

The Heidi Fleiss of drugs gets ready to spill it. (BestCelebGossip)

Are Angelina's cheeks looking slightly less gaunt these days? Must mean she's got some babies a brewin'! (Yeeeah!)

Test Monkey: Noun. A life form generally regarded as lower than human used to test products.

Ever wonder what Adnan Ghalib did for extra scratch before he started banging Britney Spears? No, I mean the few and precious hours of the day when he wasn't crouched in her bushes with a camera. Well, as Webster's Is My Bitch has exclusively learned thanks to a reader tip, Adnan and his stupid landing strip face used to be a test monkey for a -- wait for it -- male enhancement product review website! I know, shocking, right?

On the site, (link removed) Adnan purportedly tested products such as "Penegra," "Big Kahuna," "Spermamax," " Scent of Eros," and of course we can't forget "Arouser-TM." Sure, we all laughed and laughed at Britney Spears for dating such a shithead - but here this whole time her man is probably rocking four hour erections the size of my arm. Who's crazy now, huh?

But seriously Adnan, 28?? Not on your best day.

Update: This is spam. Brilliant, brilliant spam -- but spam, nonetheless. Motherfuckers.

Rehab: Noun. a course of treatment for drug or alcohol addiction, typically at a facility in which the patient is compelled to reside for a period of several weeks or months.

I think I've heard rumors to this effect at least a dozen times since she became a professional drug addict, but according to a statement released by her record label, Amy Winehouse is finally, indubitably and unequivocally going to rehab.

I know it's the best thing for her, because really -- no one wants to see her wind up dead or anything. Yet at the same time I can't help but think about the perfectly good nicknames like "Amy Wino" and "Crackhouse" that are going to be just wasted if she gets sober. I mean Cleanhouse? Amy Winofunanymore? Sigh... It's just not the same.

Southern Belle: Noun. A beautiful and charming woman from the southern states of America.

Oh, Eva honey -- don't listen to what anyone tells you. You're totally rocking that outfit better than Delta Burke did on "Designing Women" in 1989. Of course, if you're planning to bring back the fat southern belle look, you're going to have to start brushing your teeth with bacon and rinsing with gravy. Because you who didn't half-ass it when it came to fashion? That's right, Suzanne motherfucking Sugarbaker.

Motherfucker: Noun. The worst of all of swear words -- someone who has sex with their own mother.

I know you've all been lying awake at night wondering what caused the demise of Eddie Murphy's shamarriage to Tracey Edmonds. As it turns out, aside from being somewhat abusive and controlling, the last straw was when Eddie insisted that his mother accompany them on their honeymoon.

Well at least this story has a happy ending, since Eddie was probably still able to take his mother on that honeymoon, only without that pesky "fiancee" getting in the way. And likewise, Tracey is able to move on and find herself a man who isn't a total pussy. Because you know what they say, right ladies? Once a motherfucker, always a motherfucker.

Why the fuck do presidential candidates go on the Tyra Banks show? Why?! (PopOnThePop)

Romo is sick of Jessica's shit -- already. (Yeeeah!)

If us gossip bloggers have had it with the fucked up excessive coverage of Heath Ledger's grieving loved ones, what does that say about the rest of the world? (Celebitchy)

It's shiny happy Hilary Duff! (The Blemish)

Speaking of shiny, Diane Lane's dress looks like a superhero's outfit. (usemycomputer)

Dolly Parton is gonna have to try a lot harder to look trashy in the age of Britney. (Ayyyy!)

Let's see now, how could Jared Leto possibly make himself look any grosser? Smear himself head to toe with dog shit? No... Not quite. (Agent Bedhead)

Reese Witherspoon is role role model for her children and all of womankind... From this point forward, anyway. (Popoholic)

Mandatory Abortion: The expulsion of a fetus from the uterus by natural causes before it is able to survive independently, as mandated by legal action.

Britney's skankarazzi boyfriend went on a tabloid news magazine tour, appearing on "Entertainment Tonight" and "The Insider" to speak candidly further cash in on his relationship with Britney Spears. And what, pray tell, does Mr. Adnan think would be best for Britney Spears? Why, more babies, of course!

He revealed: "I think she was hoping she was pregnant with my child. I think she felt that she was. She has a very maternal instinct.”

So was it this "maternal instinct" he speaks of that caused her to blow off court the other day, ensuring that she won't get to see her kids for the indefinite future? I'm wondering if the judge in Britney's custody case can enforce some kind of groundbreaking "mandatory abortion" clause when it comes to future Britney Spears pregnancies. Hell, I'm sure even the most discerning Christians would be cool with that.

Ripen: Verb. To become developed to the point of readiness for harvesting and eating; fully matured.

Hey, anyone remember Lukas Haas -- best known as the kid from Witness? Well, as you can see here, he's ripening very nicely into the "Buscemi of the Future." Because someday "Buscemi of Today" is going to be old, and won't be able to entertain us anymore. So we're going to need some bug-eyed, gangly weirdo to take his place. Just give him another ten years or so, 'til that Adam's apple is jutting out like a rogue elbow. Then he'll be ready!

Aaay!: Colloquial. A greeting popularized by Arthur Fonzarelli of "Happy Days" which can be used to mean anything from "Hello!" to "Fuck off!"

In the wake of Heath Ledger's untimely death, I realize it might not be couth or appropriate for me to make fun of another little girl who recently lost her own father.

Then again, when have I ever prided myself on being appropriate? So seriously folks, who does Bindi Irwin think she is -- the Fonz? You know the Crocodile Hunter is looking down from heaven going "Pshht! Whose kid is that?"

Pedostache: The moustache often seen on pedophiles. Appears as a dangerously thin, greasy moustache, often complimented by the aviator glasses and pedosmiles.

Situational Irony: Occurs when the results of a situation are far different from what was expected. This results in a feeling of surprise and unfairness due to the odd situation, ex. see above video.

White Girl Dreadlocks: Noun. Traditional Rastafarian hairstyle of matting and twisting hair into clumpy ringlets as abused by white girls by forming pathetic, skinny, poseurish dreads.

Ugh! When did Meg Ryan start looking so damn filthy? It looks like she forgot to brush her hair like, a year ago, and never