Guess the stripper from the description: "Leathery old boozebag astraddle a motorcycle with her worn-out catcher’s mitt spilling over either side of the seat like mudflaps on the back of a semi." (Yeeeah!)

The Juno backlash is nigh. Damnit. (FourFour)

Ashlee Simpson is tough. Really tough. And she don't wanna play. You don't want her beef. Trust me. (Celebwarship)

A $7 million insurance policy on chest hair?! Yeah, well, I got a $10 policy on my wit. (Celebrity Smack)

Brittany Murphy reclaims some of her body fat from vicious food terrorists. (Evil Beet)

DiCaprio finds himself a nice Jewish girl. In a bikini. (Egotastic)

Giselle Bundchen reneges on promise to run through Manhattan in the buff; Patriots still lose Super Bowl. (Bricks and Stones)

A heartbreaking song dedicated to Britney. I'm a little choked up. (College Humor)
 
Penis balloons! (Pop on the Pop)