Don't be so sad Lara, at least you still have that fabulous figure to fall back on! (Yeeeah!)

I think it's safe to say that Sinead O'Connor would be asked back to SNL before Ashlee Simpson. (CelebritySmack)

See Paris. See Paris Run. See Paris Fall on her stupid ass! (The Blemish)

Lindsay's dad wishes she would "get back to more of the kind of films that led to her success." Uh, that's great, but The Parent Trap was like 10 years and three rehabs ago. (Celebitchy)

Audrina Patridge dresses like one of The Pussycat Whores, and also as one of The Village People, I think. (Popoholic)

Amy Winehouse's husband gets a jailhouse beating. (CelebWarship)

Wait, is Heath Ledger's love child a young Michael Jackson? (IDLYITW)

Vanilla Ice, or "The Original K Fed," as I like to call him, is still doing it up. (Seriously? OMG!)

Does Janice Dickinson have a happy trail?! (Celebslam)

Famished (Adjective) Extremely or very hungry; to cause to starve to death.

Late Friday afternoon, after the WIMB staff had already retired to a cool spot in a bar underneath a table to hide from the hangover monster, old pictures of George Clooney's current girlfriend, Sarah Larson, began to surface. Before Larson met Clooney and acquired a temporary Wikipedia page (which will likely only exist until her relationship with Clooney ends), she was a part-time model, a "Fear Factor" contestant, and a Vegas cocktail waitress who was paid to "entertain" guests at the Palms Casino.

And from the looks of the photo above, Clooney came along in the nick of time. That poor girl was famished -- look at her! She'd resorted to eating magazines. Darling: There's no nutritional value in those, you know?

I hope George got you a nice sandwich and some fries -- a good-looking woman like that oughtn't have to sustain herself on glossy paper.








 

Cinch: (Verb) Secure a garment with a belt.

Hey Janet, you go girl! Show the world that circulation and breathing are for suckers. Suckers and fat people, anyway. It's like my mom used to tell me, there's no better way of dealing with unsightly flab than just cinching the ever loving hell out of it. That's of course after you've spent a month chasing everything you eat with a couple of expertly placed fingers down the old esophagus. Because, you know a belt can only do so much.

More of Fatty Beltbuckle at the Kid's Choice Awards:

F*ckwit (Noun) A person who is not only lacking in clue but is apparently unable or unwilling to acquire clue even when handed it on a plate in generous portions.

The big non-story of the weekend involved reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie tasted impermanent wedded bliss, finally making their litter of children legitimate. But, as it turned out, Star Magazine neglected to remove their head from their ass before doing the research on the story. A few hours after Star reported the news, both People and Us Magazine called the tabloid on its bullshit.

But, here's the facet of the story that intrigued me most: Perez Hilton, the Latino communities most popular genetic accident, first reported the story as true, then -- a few hours later -- jumped on the bullshit bandwagon, writing:

You should have investigated the story fully and thoroughly until you were sure you had it 100% right.(Source)

Well, if that ain't calling the kettle an anal abortion: Perez (fucking) Hilton taking issue with Star Magazine's journalistic standards? Fuck me. This coming from the man who reported last August -- before the Associated Press, before CNN or Fox News -- that Fidel Castro had died. In fact, Perez "stood behind his story 100%" (for the assnuts who might have found their way here via Perez Hilton, Fidel is still alive).

I guess that makes Perez a 100 percent fuckwit.

Ki Ki Ki Ma Ma Ma (Syllables) The sound you hear in Harry Mendolsohn's score of the original Friday the 13th, in the final reel. The "Ki" is short of Kill, and the "Ma" is short for Mommy.

Derek Mears, that handsome feller above, is in final negotiations to play Jason Voorhies in the remake of Friday the 13th. Ummmm ... I don't think he'll need a hockey mask to terrify audiences. Jesus Christ! That's a guy you don't want to bunk with in prison; he could scare the shit out of colostomy bag.

Ki Ki Ki Ma Ma Ma.

Megalomaniac: (Noun) A person who suffers delusions of their own power or importance.

There are certain films exemplary of American culture, of which it goes without saying that bear no need for improvement. Gone With the Wind. Citizen Cane. Weekend at Bernie's. Casablanca. Oh, hang on... Scratch that last one.

Madonna has stunned the movie industry with plans to remake Casablanca - and this time set it in Iraq. A source at a major Hollywood studio that was recently approached by the 49-year-old star said: "She is still determined to make it in the movies.

The source said: "Madonna is talking about taking the Ingrid Bergman role for herself, even though Bergman was in her 20s when she played Ilsa and Madonna is nearly 50. (Source)

For the love of everything holy. Madonna is even more of an evil megalomaniacal bitch than I ever gave her credit for. Oh sure, why can't Ilsa and Rick be played by S&M granny and her eunuch husband? I'm sure the writers pretty much had that in mind anyway, but Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman were just like, the best they could do on short notice. Whatever. I just hope they film on location and the memo goes out to the insurgents that "stupid white American bitch in town."

Stupid white bitch and her bitch on their fake PR date earlier this month:

We are sad to report today that Joshua Jackson, former star of "Dawson's Creek" and the box-office smash, Skulls, has passed away. News reports indicate that he died of neglect.

Oh, Pacey: We hardly knew you. And then we completely forgot about you. And then you died.

Atheist (Noun) Refers to persons not inclined toward religious belief or a particular form of religious belief. An atheist is one who denies the existence of a deity or of divine beings.

Nickelodeon's Kid's Choice Awards happened over the weekend, the 21st year in which major celebrities pandered to little kids by putting aside their cocktails and standing under streams of green slime, though I doubt any of the snot-nosed brats in the audience even knew where the green slime originated (if you said "Double Dare," you'd be wrong, asswipe; it's "You Can't Do That on Television," a real kid's television show).

Anyway, back to the Kid's Choice Awards: The big winner of the night was Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, who won for best female singer and best female actress. In true Hollywood style, Miley even thanked "my lord and savior Jesus Christ" for the wins. And if, in fact, her lord and savior Jesus Christ is responsible for her inexplicable success, then I'd like to reconfirm my belief in no God, for if God truly did exist, he wouldn't inflict this devil-spawn on to today's youth, ensuring future generations of NASCAR Idiots and Soccer Bimbos.

More pandering from the Kid's Choice Awards below:

Idiot Parent: A very stupid person with kid(s) liable to further compound stupidity.

Sarah Jessica Parker told reporters this weekend that her son, James Wilkie Broderick, is a staunch Barack Obama supporter. Oh yeah, did I mention that her son is five?

"He's really, truly into this election," she says of her little guy's interests. "He's come to this conclusion on his own based specifically on Barack's gender. It's that deep. He's a fan and a true supporter of Barack Obama." (Source)

Sarah, I'm totally sure that your five year old son is not only conscious of the intricacies of the American political system, but able to form a nuanced opinion based on the current partisan landscape. But you know, you might want to keep that shit to yourself or else people might start thinking you're some kind of deluded Hollywood idiot parent who thinks her kid shits out gold doubloons. Which are Spanish in origin, but I probably don't need to tell little James Wilkie that.

5. Shutter (Weekend: $5.3 million; Total: $19 million): With the box-office down precipitously from the same week last year (when Blades of Glory topped the charts with $33 million), box-office analyst -- in an effort to ease studio jitters -- took a page from the world of Wall Street and actually made up a movie title to round out the week's top five. Inspired by Enron, box-office analyst invented Shutter, which is purportedly based on a J-Horror movie and stars Joshua Jackson (who is actually dead). On news that the fictional movie held on to fifth place in its second week of release, shares of 20th Century Fox's parent company, News Corp, shot up 12 percent and gullible soon-to-be-retirees across the country sunk their entire 401(k)s into the company's stock.

4. Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns (Weekend: $7.6 million; Total: $33 million): And speaking of frauds, the big news over the weekend was that the L.A. Times crack investigative team, embarrassed about the Tupac hoax perpetrated on them last week, doubled down and came up with the scoop of the year: Tyler Perry is actually a white man (real name: Dan Whitney) who has been posing as an African-American and mass-producing urban melodramas using a formula he picked up at the University of Phoenix to cater to the largest segment of the African-American population. When Whitney is not posing as Tyler Perry, he wears loose blue jeans and camouflage hats and mangles the English language with his catchphrase, "Git-R-Done."

The top three films of the week, after the jump ...

Audrina Patridge loves herself some pork fried rice! (The Blemish)

Rainbow Killer goes for a little sail! (usemycomputer)

Petra Nemcova pulls off goth much better than *cough* some people *cough.* (Popoholic)

OH MY GOD it's Corky from "Life Goes On!!!!" LOVE! (Seriously? OMG!)

Meet the other end of the spectrum of Spitzer's insatiable craving for whore. (Yeeeah!)

Seriously though, keep your damn kids away from Paris Hilton. (Ayyyy!)

Kirsten Dunst out of rehab, still pale and trashy. (POTP)

Stupid Olsens. How can you bicker over money when you have more of it than God?! (Popbytes)

Poison drummer Rikki Rockett arrested on rape charges. I guess this will put a kink into any future VH1 Celebreality dating show plans. (Celebitchy)

Is Mena Suvari preggers with that punk-ass boyfriend of hers' kid? (Evil Beet)

Superhero Movie: about as entertaining as the 80th email forward of "funny cats" from Uncle Frank. (Pajiba)

Winehouse Face (Noun) After prolonged use of crystal meth, when a person's face looks like someone chewed it up then spit it back out, or when a meth users face looks like an old chew toy because of scabbing and scarring due to picking at their skin in reaction to crank bugs.

Inspired by the meth-and-crater visage of Amy Winehouse, a site called Worth1000 (via The Daily Mail) has doctored a gallery of photos to give the same effect to a variety of celebrities and the winehoused-faced results are pretty amusing, particularly for fans of Romero.

Totally Straight: (Adjective) 100% without a doubt heterosexual.

JC Chasez recently denied rumors that he and "Gossip Girl" star Chace Crawford had gone gay together. Chasez says:

"For the record, we're both straight. We're not dating. The only time people usually see us together is in some type of photograph, so they just assume that it's like that." (Source)

Seriously though, how could anyone think that this raging hunk of testosterone is anything other than totally straight? The only way he could be less gay is if he were holding a six-pack of Budweiser and a stack of titty mags in those outstretched hands of his.

At the finale of "Randy Jackson Presents America's Best Dance Crew:"

Say Cheese: Colloquial. Expression used by photographers to elicit smiles in their targets. When you say the word, the cheeks tend to lift, the corners of the mouth tend to turn up, and the teeth tend to show.

For reasons that don't make a lot of sense to me, I have to come in every few weeks and remind some unappreciative celebrity asshole of their place in this world: Like, Michael Stipe, Channing Tatum, and Jared Leto, Danny Masterson has now fallen prey to this weird inability to smile for the camera. It's a celebrity epidemic.

I mean, come on: You're a celebrity. You make millions of dollars for, essentially, pretending to be someone else. And Masterson ought to be extra thankful: He's got five films that have either been completed or are in post-production. 2008 is gonna be the year of Danny.

And still: The man can't say cheese when a photog walks by, at a charity event, that he chose to be a part of. Come on, Danny. Say cheese, motherfucker. Give us a smile, asshole. It won't kill you, dude. Just curl those lips in an upward direction, show some teeth, and arch those eyebrows a bit. It's pretty easy, fella. And it will magically release all the tension in the room.

 

Sensitive: (Adjective) (Of a person or a person's behavior) having or displaying a quick and delicate appreciation of others' feelings.

John Mayer has decided to stop using his blog for douchebaggery and instead to impart some of his profound wisdom and sensitivity on the world, with a new entry titled "From the Heart..." Here's a snippet:

What I'm about to write isn't about fame or success or celebrity or the media. That's my business. This is about us all. This is about a level of self consciousness so high in my generation, that it's actually toxic.

This is about the girl in her bedroom who poses in front of the camera she's awkwardly holding in her outstretched hand. She'll take a hundred photos until coming up with one she's happy with, which inevitably looks nothing like her, and after she's done poring over images of herself, will post one on her myspace page and then write something like " I don't give a f*ck what you think about me."

Well, I think we all know who that girl is, and her name is John Mayer. And I think John Mayer really does "give a f*ck" what we think about her, doesn't she John? So when she takes all these photos, but the one she's happy with looks "nothing like her" -- maybe what you're really saying is that behind this douchey "facade," if you will, is just a scared, sensitive little girl who only wants to be loved?

Yeah, I took introductory psych in college, so I'm pretty much an expert when it comes to these kind of things.

Sleep Regression (Noun) Several points in an infant's early development, usually around 4, 8, and 18 months of age, in which the child develops sleeping difficulties, wakes frequently and sleeps fitfully, often in erratic spurts. 

A lot of folks have seen the pictures of "Grey's Anatomy's" Justin Chambers (obtained by Star Magazine) and thought: Here's a guy dangerously close to rehab. People see the photos and just assume he's completely shitfaced.

But here's the thing: He is a father of five. That means, collectively, he's gone through at least 15 months dealing with his children's sleep regression. Do you know what happens when your baby can't sleep? You can't sleep. And when you have five kids at home, sometimes a bar is the quietest place around.

Believe me, right about now I'd kill for a nice bar with Dire Straits blaring on the jukebox. I'd sleep for days. And no stalkerazzi douchebag with a flash could stir me from my slumber.

(As for the picture with the strange woman -- you're on your own, Justin.)

 

Undead: (Noun) The body of a dead person given the semblance of life by a supernatural force, but mute and will-less, such as a zombie.

Well I hope you're all fricking happy -- with your fancy drugs, nuclear power and death metal. We all knew this day would come one way or another. Yes, the zombie revolution is finally upon us. Here is one of the first images of the undead to be captured by a photographer over in London, England, shortly before he was mauled to death. It's only a matter of time before this epidemic makes it over to the States, so the next time you see me I'll probably be banging into walls like a Roomba and muttering something about brains.

Through the power of rainbow magic, Mariah Carey just sprouted ten extra inches of leg. (Yeeeah!)

Tyra Banks to eat models, destroy reality show. (IDLYITW)

It looks like Nicole Kidman's baby bump is trying to back its way out the wrong end. (Just Jared)

Somebody needs a little more skirt -- that ass don't cover itself, you know? (Seriously? OMG! WTF!)

Penelope Cruz, on the other hand ... (The Blemish)

Fact: The uglier you are, the happier your marriage. (Celebitchy)

Cloth diapers or disposable? Either way, it's a shitty situation. (Offsprung)

Because Ms. Graham simply doesn't get enough attention. (I Don't Want Your Life)

Pam Anderson shows off her totally free leech treatment. (Rad Report)

The Tits (Slang) Outstanding; the best, desirable; fabulous.

Here is the reason why Jack Nicholson is the coolest motherfucker on the planet: He doesn't give a shit. The man is The Tits. While other celebrities are getting plastic surgery and liposuction, Jack airs out his B-cups for all the world to see, and says with that trademark Nicholson grin: "You don't like what you see? Then go fuck yourself. I'm Jack Nicholson. Who the fuck are you?"

And that's why, even at 71 years of age, Jack gets more ass than a Kardashian buffet. It's Jack's world, motherfuckers -- we're just leasing the space.

 

Precious: (Adjective) Dear, beloved or darling; as in a child.

Awww! How totally precious is this? Little Miss Sunshine herself, Abigail Breslin, has been inducted into the Girl Scouts of America. Yes. This is very, very cute.

Still... It doesn't mean I won't slam the door in her fucking face if she comes knocking with any of those goddamn low-fat lemon cookies. Ba-arf. It's all about the Samoas, baby! You remember that if you want to stay on my good side.

King Burger or Ronald McDonald?

Me: I'd be all over King Burger like cinnamon on a bun. I'd slather him in condiments and have that man's burger babies.

Who? (Pronoun) What or which person or people, as in: who the fuck is that?

In other divorce news, Kimora Lee Simmons filed for divorce from her estranged husband, hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons. Wait, who?? Kimora told reporters recently:

"I'm in the paper every single week - that I had a fight with my ex-husband, or that I was mad at one of his girlfriends, or that I'm pregnant, or that I demand Fiji water … Lies upon lies upon lies." (Source)

Back up a second. As a gossip blogger, it's kind of my job to care and report on these things, and I'm just figuring out now who the hell Kimora Lee Simmons is. But even then, I still don't know why she is. Maybe it would help if she started waving her meat curtains all over the place, or released a sex tape or really bad music video. Hey, it worked work Kim Kardashian and Heidi Montag. I don't even have to google "Kardashian" anymore to figure out how to spell it!

More of Kimora at the launch of her fragrance earlier this month. Wait, she has a fragrance??

Taylor Roll'd (Internet Prank) Created in opposition to the sexist, paternalistic Internet prank, Rick Roll'd, Taylor Rolling is an internet spam trick in which people post a link to a Taylor Dayne video on YouTube, but say the viewers are being led to another video, usually unconfirmed gaming news or trailers.

Holy Shit! Did you see the new trailer for the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants sequel? It's unbelievable -- America Ferrara goes down on Alexis Bledel in front of a cancer-striken child. Click Here!!!  Quick, before they yank it.

Overdue: (Adjective) Not having happened or been done, though after the expected time.

Robin Williams's wife, Marsha Garces Williams, has filed for divorce after 19 years of marriage citing the ever popular irreconcilable differences. The couple have two children together; an 18-year-old daughter and a 16-year-old son.

All I can say is: Daaamn, you know that shit was overdue. I'd have to wager six months with Cap'n A.D.D. would be enough to send most women over the brink. My only advice to Marsha? Beware of Scottish-speaking housekeepers who inexplicably show up at your doorstep looking for work.

The good news is that Dr. Pepper is going to give everyone in America free Dr. Pepper if GNR releases their album this year. The bad news is that they'll probably be unloading backstock of their chocolate flavored shit. (Seriously? OMG!)

Brooke Burke is in competition with Britney for "World's Worst Mother." (IDLYITW)

The Katie-bot goes into self-destruct mode. (The Blemish)

So Obama is related to Brad Pitt and Hill is related to Angelina? Gotta make for some awkward dinner conversation. (PrettyOnTheOutside)

I think Jessica Simpson finally snapped. (CelebWarship)

The first rule of Britney Spears is don't talk about Britney Spears. (Yeeeah!)

Hey! It's the Romy half of "Romy and Michelle!" (usemycomputer)

Wait a sec... So are we still talking about Knut, here? (Agent Bedhead)

Ashley Tisdale promises never to get any more plastic surgery and I promise never to
give a crap about Ashley Tisdale. (HollywoodRag)

Secretary is about more than just a "dude who gets his rocks off by spanking his secretary." (Pajiba)

Richie Sambora, arrested for DUI, bad hair.

Au Naturel (Adjective) In a natural state, pristine, unadulterated. Not wearing make-up, fresh-faced.

Normally, we here at WIMB like to shy away from the no make-up photos we see of celebrities, because we know what a shitstorm they invite (yes, yes! We know! God forbid a celebrity leave her house without six inches of pancake makeup!). But, when Eva Longoria makes a statement like this, karmic forces are at play, and the world must send a small, gentle reminder to the "Desperate Housewives" star that, really, she's not all that:

“I eat more than anyone I have ever seen. I eat M&Ms, cake and chips, but I’m still skinny. It drives the other girls mad. I can eat anything and never get fat.”

You're certainly not fat, Ms. Longoria. Far from it. But without 47 layers of cosmetics, a soft-focus lens, and a little airbrushing, I'd be hard-pressed to call you a natural beauty. I'm happy to hear that you're able to eat what you'd like, when you'd like, but best not to rub it in, honey, lest you wake up one morning with a piehole stuffed with guacamole and arsenic, compliments of those mad "other girls."

No Shit Sherlock: (Colloquial) A sarcastic phrase used towards someone who states the obvious.

In an online poll conducted by AOL, Larry King has been found to be the least sexy talk show host. Uh, no shit, sherlock? Maybe next the think tank over at AOL can conduct a poll to see what color the sky is or how farts smell.

O-Face (Noun) A term used to refer to the look one's face makes when achieving orgasm. 

... everyone has one. 

Shotgun Wedding: (Noun) An enforced or hurried wedding, esp. because the bride is pregnant.

Hoo boy! It looks like the Spears clan is fixin for a good old, down-home, Southern shotgun wedding -- as 16-year-old mother to be, Jamie Lynn Spears has reportedly been showing off a brand new engagement ring.

My advice for Casey Aldridge, the presumably thrilled young groom? Don't even think about running. Seriously, dude. I'm guessing these Spears people take their shotgun weddings very seriously. And if Britney's holding the shotgun? Well, she might even take out one of your knees just for the sport of it.

Leathering (Adjective) Made of, relating to, or resembling a dressed or tanned animal hide.

Damn, Lindsay: Don't you know fair-skinned red-headed girls ought to stay out of the sun? That tanning bed ain't doing no favors to your skin: You have the same healthy glow of a McDonald's Quarter Pounder under a heat lamp. Look what's happened to you since Mean Girls, a mere four years ago -- you're leathering up like a car seat in desperate need of some ArmorAll.

In fact, we here at WIMB were able to take the old photo of her on the left, compare it with a recent photo on the right, and run it through sophisticated age-progression software and come up with what Lindsay Lohan will look like by the time she's 33. The surprising results are after the jump.


   

Accident: (Noun) An unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally, typically resulting in damage or injury.

Radar magazine, in an apparent attempt to derail any credibility they might possess, have given Heidi Montag's boyfriend/obedience trainer, Spencer Pratt, an advice column called "YO SPENCER!" In the first column? Dear Spencer gives advice to a young woman who done pissed the bed of a guy she was dating. His verdict?

... if the guy's really, really, really cool, he might understand. But I wouldn't count on it. Best bet is to be honest and tell him that was the drunkest you've ever been and that it was a huge mistake and it'll never happen again. And make sure you buy him new sheets.

Maybe it would have helped more if he relayed on how he handles it when Heidi has a little accident. Usually rubbing her nose in it, swatting her with a rolled up newspaper and telling her, "Bad! Bad Heidi" does the trick, from what I understand.

Dumb & Dumber's retardical Easter festivities last weekend:

The latest chapter in: Things I've Seen at the Gym. (Pretty on the Outside)

Lindsay Lohan marshals evidence of sex tape via false accusation. Moved by apathy, Earth titles on axis. (The Blemish)

Priscilla Presley attributes her stunning new look to auto lubricant. (Yeeeah!)

Oprah Winfrey is not a lesbian; she just really likes women. (Celebitchy)

Wanna know how to eliminate the chemicals from your child's urine? I thought you might. (Offsprung)

Showing signs of desperation in the field of stalkerism, Tyra Banks gets her own. (Celebslam)

Renee Zellwegger might want to look into a non-glare complexion. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

George Clooney exchanges square jaws with Gary Marshall. (Ayyyy!)

Pamela Anderson's latest marriage, like her intellect, is now null and void. (Celebrity Smack)

Battlestar Galactagasm (Noun) A fun little word I made up for an excuse to post the "BG" cover on April's GQ magazine. I'm not really feeling the pics, but it's nice to see the show get some mainstream magazine love.

Screwed: (Adjective) The state of being in a position that is a result of a serious problem or bad situation that seems impossible to solve/get out of.

Well, it's finally happened. The family of Iraq war veteran John Graziano have sued the Hogans for the accident that took place last August, which left Nick Hogan's passenger Graziano vegetablized. The civil suit was not only filed against Nick, but also against Linda and Hulk (Terry Bollea) Hogan for allegedly encouraging their son's reckless behavior and providing the underaged Nick with alcohol on the day of the accident.

Oh yeah: the Hogans? Are so screwed. I hope the Graziano family takes them for every last fucking penny to their name. You know what else would be awesome? If they were forced to star in a brand new reality show just to pay the family back -- one which would ideally be two parts "Fear Factor," one part "Double Dare" and involve copious amount of human shit.

Circle Block (Verb) In social situations, when two or more people of a higher level of cleverness attempt to alienate a person of lesser coolness without creating an awkward scene, they often form a loose circle or huddle together, turning their back on the lesser person in the hopes that he or she gets the clue and leaves. Lesser person, often known as a hanger-on, often ignores obvious clues and obnoxiously inches closer while serving up a wan smile.

 

I Don't Get It (Colloquial) Expression used when a listener fails to understand a joke that is otherwise easily understandable by anyone. Phrase has a tendency to kill a humorous moment, as explanation either fails to elucidate listener or otherwise changes gleeful atmosphere. Sentiment can be expressed nonverbally with wan smile.

Evil Eye: (Noun) A profoundly immoral and malevolent look, embodying or associated with the forces of the devil, thought capable of inflicting injury or bad luck on the person at whom it is directed.

After Rumer Willis finally reads what the gossip blogs have been saying about her and goes into hiding, Bin Laden style -- here's a preview of the next Moore/Willis spawn we'll have to contend with: Tallulah Belle.

Now Tallulah Belle is only 14, so it would probably be uncouth of me to make fun of her ... However, is it just me or does she look kind of, um, devilish? Yeah. I've seen The Omen like, four times and I think I know evil eyes when I sees 'em. So I'm definitely not gonna be starting any shit with something that can only be killed with the seven daggers of Meggado.