The latest chapter in: Things I've Seen at the Gym. (Pretty on the Outside)

Lindsay Lohan marshals evidence of sex tape via false accusation. Moved by apathy, Earth titles on axis. (The Blemish)

Priscilla Presley attributes her stunning new look to auto lubricant. (Yeeeah!)

Oprah Winfrey is not a lesbian; she just really likes women. (Celebitchy)

Wanna know how to eliminate the chemicals from your child's urine? I thought you might. (Offsprung)

Showing signs of desperation in the field of stalkerism, Tyra Banks gets her own. (Celebslam)

Renee Zellwegger might want to look into a non-glare complexion. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

George Clooney exchanges square jaws with Gary Marshall. (Ayyyy!)

Pamela Anderson's latest marriage, like her intellect, is now null and void. (Celebrity Smack)