Paris Hilton is about to go shopping for a new doormat. (Daily Stab)

And Miley Cyrus is already shopping for her doormat! (Rad Report)

Judd Nelson is stalking you. (Seriously? OMG!)

40 grand could have bought eight five thousand dollar whores but some tool spent the whole wad on a handshake from Scarlett Johansson. (The Blemish)

Speaking of which, Lohan gets in on the whoring legging business. (Yeeeah!)

Minnie Driver is carrying a little driver around her her belly. (Celebitchy)

I swear Christina Ricci has had work done. Somethings just not right here... (CelebritySmack)

Joe "Piece of Fucking Shit" Francis is out on bail. (Agent Bedhead)

A paparazzi gets the holy multiplication tables beat out of him by Nicole Kidman's bodyguard. (Celebslam)

Hungover this weekend? Joe Dirt is ideal couch viewing. Allegedly. (Pajiba)