Baby Weight

jolo0408_1.jpgBaby Weight: (Noun) The excess weight a women continues to carry after giving birth.

Wondering what it took to transform Jennifer Lopez from the monstrous, pregnant behemoth on the left to the considerably less fat, Miss Piggy-esque svelte creature you see on the right? Well, it's simply the result of a grueling, baby-weight-annihilatin' diet and exercise regime!

Three hour daily workouts seven days a week mean that the 38 year-old has lost 40lbs -- at a rate of 10lbs a week -- since Feburary. A source told Closer that Miss Lopez has hired a crack team of nutritionists and personal trainers dubbed her '120 lb team.'

Her workouts consist of Pilates, a one hour cardio workout followed by an hour of weight training. Despite embarking on such a grueling schedule the 5ft 5 performer has limited her food intake to 1,400 calories a day and banned all carbohydrates. (Source)

Well, I sure hope this flawless plan of hers includes a couple of animals handlers equipped with shock sticks in that "crack team," in the event that she becomes so delirious with hunger and exhaustion that she actually tries to eat her own babies. Hey, haven't you ever watched "National Geographic?" This sort of thing happens all the time.

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5 Comments


Jo 'Mama' Besser said:

Clown makeup aside, she's kind of clown, huh? I'm sure the best thing to feed your babies is a big ol' mug-a-nothin'. What kind of whack-ass infants want nutrients anyway? Sterile on the outside, sterile on the inside. Does an immune system good. That reminds me of the episode of ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS, when Eddie reveals that her mother only handled her with rubber gloves until she was twelve.


Carolyn said:

I don't understand this need to be thin so fast after giving birth. Shouldnt you just relax and enjoy your baby? And maybe not freak out that the little shit made you fat?


newsgrrl said:

Not a believer in the 'carbohydrates are bad' vogue going on. And a 10 pounds a week loss is ridiculous....


Jenna said:

40lbs from working out! not true! 20lbs of that loss was from no longer carrying out twin babies, fluid, placenta etc, so she probably has lost about a stone as she looks like she still has a little way to go!


replica said:

If it took you nine months to put on, you should be realistic and give yourself at least that long to get it off...nursing is the best way to naturally have your tummy yank back into place, and the hollywood starvation diet doesn't exactly put the infant's milk needs into high priority. Probably isn't nursing so she can 'preserve her boobs' much like the c-section is supposedly preserving the yoni. Oh sacred neuroses! Nothing hotter on the market than a middle aged mommy with kid(s). Gotta keep those assets in the game I guess. Bleck. The whole mindset is depressing.

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