IQ Deficient Douchetard F*ckbag (or the one where I alienate half our potential audience)

ellenpagefragments4.jpgIQ Deficient Douchetard F*ckbag (Noun) Refers exclusively to the fuck knuckle who runs Egotastic.com

I realize that WIMB is still in its infancy, that we're still struggling to find our voice, that we'd like to capture the attention of a few more readers, and that it's way too early in our run to be picking on larger, more established gossip sites with huge audiences, especially knowing what a cliquish world the gossip sites are and how the incoming links tend to flow with those cliques.

But, you know what? Fuck it.

The truth: I can't stand the dick-in-his-hand, IQ Deficient Douchetard Fuckbag that runs Egotastic, and I'll give you a prime example of why that is: The above photo, a screenshot of Ellen Page from her upcoming flick, The Tracey Fragments, is being used by the knuckle-dragging ass stain on heterosexuality as evidence showing that Ms. Page is probably a lesbian. Why? Because her armpits are unshaven.

I cannot express the number of ways in which this is misguided, neanderthalian bullshit-think. First and foremost, Ellen Page is playing a character -- a 15-year-old who is having a rough time dealing with puberty; underarm hair is probably central to that inner turmoil. But second of all, Egoassmunch's statement, "when you're a big-time Hollywood star, not shaving your armpits is a pretty big statement," is ludicrous beyond reason. You know what? I don't shave my armpits, does that make me a lesbian? And if it did? Who the fuck cares, you anthropomorphic testicle hair.

See, in Egocumstain's 17th century estimation, body hair on a female is tantamount to homosexuality, an estimation that probably has more to do with his tiny brain, tiny penis, and his own inability to sprout pubus hairs. Of course, it's that patriarchal thinking and the mental roofie mindset that got Mr. Egotastic over 55 million page views last month, so I guess it pays to be an IQ Deficient Douchetard Fuckbag. Good for him.


46 Comments


Jenny said:

You certainly didn't alienate this reader - I completely agree.


Julie said:

Sing it Dustin!


vanessa said:

I love your site. I'd hate to be on your badside!


Armando said:

Well, I'd rather have my celebrity gossip smart, bitchy and ironic. Those douchebags who take themselves too seriously and make mysoginistic statements? Fuck 'em!


Jab said:

You rock!


sara said:

I stopped looking at fucking egotastic ages ago - pick on them all you want. You guys are awesome.


shawn said:

hey i live in israel and i found you from pajiba and i have told all my expat friends how great u are please keep up the good work


Misanthrope said:

WIMB is one of my favorite places, and I was equally disgusted with that post at Egotastic. I guess since Natalie Portman had a shaved head in V for Vendetta she can probably sing the fuck out of Nothing Compares 2 U, as well? Probably Dustin Hoffman sprouted a sweaty vag after Tootsie? What a fucktard.


Hollie said:

You go girl!!! Tell it like you see it. That is why we come here!


rachel said:

Somehow, I doubt there's much readership overlap.

The internet misogyny has become so blatant lately that I've given up almost all the gossip sites. WIMB is a refreshing change of pace and welcome dose of intelligent snark in my day.


AM said:

Lessee...how much do I have to drink now? Or does that only count at Pajiba.


Vivian said:

Totally agree. Fuck'em. That women have to be so perfected and preened and bleached or tanned or shadowed and waxed, clipped, snipped and highlighted lest they be lumped in the want-the-muffin box only makes sense to someone with a child's understanding of what is feminine.

Anyway I'm glad you stood up and said something. Way to be!


gm said:

thanks for this... you're so right.


eml said:

Right on. Keep up the good work.


ganesh said:

Wow. How can you people care so much about another dime a dozen gossip site? Sounds a little "pretentious" to me. Yawn.


SLickPig said:

WHOOO!!!

This birkenstock wearing, women's studies major salutes you.


Cady said:

Oh, sure. And next thing you'll be telling me is that guys who use product in their hair aren't necessarily gay. Come on.


cat said:

Wordy McWord, my friend.


Nicole said:

Oh, hell yeah! I am a straight girl who HATES body hair removal of any kind and I am so sick of this kind of attitude. Woman, straight, lesbian, whatever, are not making "statements" with their personal grooming...it's just that, PERSONAL!


Erin in Aus said:

Oh Dustin. You can have my babies any day.
This is exactly why I come to WIMB, refreshingly intelligent snark and wit. Minus the misogyny.


the_pants said:

So the thing is that your terrible site judges everyone just as much as you are judging this douche. As an athiest I hate to quote (ok paraphrase) the bible... take the log out of your own eye before trying to remove the speck from your neighbors.


Haystacks said:

Douchenozzels get attention. Am Unfortunate fact of life.


c said:

Umm, not to be a misogynist or anything but frankly while it doesn't mean you're gay, it does mean you're gross. If you're a girl and don't want to shave your armpits, I'd rather have nothing to do with you. It's a complete turn off. And I'm not such a big fan of hair downstairs, either. On a girl or myself. Hair traps in sweat and smell, and that's a fact. I personally enjoy personal hygiene. So while I respect your right to leave hair where ever you want (its your body) I think its pretty dumb to get this bent out of shape over something someone said about something that is truthfully pretty bizarre.


PaleoLithchick said:

Yo c -- It's called bathing. Look into it. It takes care of those "trapped in smells." I mean, I personally don't dig on the hirsuite look, but if someone else wants to sport pit-warmers, I'm not going to look down on them for it, or assume that they are smelly and lack in basic hygiene. And I certainly don't think that my own personal hangups with body hair mean that the people who don't share them are gross.

I DO think that it's pretty reasonable to be pissed off about some 'tard basically saying that being a lesbian means being hairy and that publicity stills from a movie, wherein an actress is portraying a character (meaning her make up, wardrobe, hair, and presence or lack of body hair are all kind of thought out and intentional) are proof that the actress in question is a lesbian. There are so many layers of douchbagging jackassery there that it is difficult to categorize and express them.

As far as possibly alienating readers: Guys, do you really need morons cluttering up your site and moroning around? Besides, I don't think you really said anything all that alienating -- you just pointed out someone making ridiculous arguments utilizing stereotypes and the WhoNeedsToBeLogical5000.


c said:

I really don't want to split hairs about this but most people shower once a day. just walking around is going to cause sweat(and therefore smell) to build up especially in crevaces and other confined places on the human body that don't get air, compounding that with hair (a natural insulator) you get a lot of body odor, which if I understand hygiene, is something you want to avoid. Shaving reduces heat, sweat, and yes, BO. sorry to burst your bubble, but a shower's probably not enough. I'm sorry if I sound like a jerk, no one likes to be told they smell bad, but it needs to said. As for the whole lesbian thing, you're right the comment is completely out of line. but arm pit hair is still gross. so is full bush.


Grace said:

hope you shave your pits too, c.


Carolyn said:

Awesome a attack on misogynistic douche bags and a discussion on pit hair. I love it here!


Cuno said:

What I want to know is, if she then goes and shaves her pits, is she still a lesbian? Am I a lesbian when I'm hairy, and straight when I'm not? What happens if I only shave one pit? Does it make me bisexual?


Sea said:

I read this blog, Jezebel, idontlikeyouinthatway, fourfour, and a few others (not egotastic, to be sure). Fourfour provides excellent commentary on America's Next Top Model, and one contestant, Fatima, was chided for not shaving her underarms (lezbonienne fer sure! ... hmmm). Is c aware of deodorant?


jillian said:

as a devoted reader of WIMB from the very first days, i am proud to support WIMB over anything egotastic. lets face it, those of us with large egos tend to be assholes. i mean, they need something big to make up for all their littler qualities..? =]


newsgrrl said:

c seems to have their own view of the world which is their way or no way, and that's fine if that's what they need.
Back on the original topic - personally, I only wander into egotastic when there is a link to there on a topic that interests me. Other than that, I don't go there. I do like this site though :)


a said:

c,

i'm sorry, but if you dare have one hypocritical hair on your body, you're still trapping oil, sweat, and therefore body odor. no one likes to be told they smell bad, but it needs to be said, and i can smell you through the computer screen. you need to look into shaving everything from asshole to earlobe, or just bathe in Nair, you damn yeti.


zarahruth said:

Wow, I must be letting the sisterhood of lesbians and bisexuals down, then, given that I hate having hairy armpits and shave them every morning.
I didn't realise that underarm hair was how I'm supposed to broadcast my sexuality to the world. What other things did I overlook...? Oh, damn. I'm wearing a skirt today, with my non-hairy legs. Clearly, I'm supposed to be wearing dungarees instead. Better get a haircut while I'm at it.

What an absolute dick.


Genevieve said:

Ah, this is so refreshing to read...a celebrity gossip blog that doesn't relish in its own misogyny. Keep up the good work.


ganesh said:

Will you people calm the f down? If visit an online gossip site, burn me at the stake for expecting to see a little houmor and sarcasm. All of these sites are wholesalers of generalization, hyperbole, and stereotype. Who cares if Juno eats at the Y or not? Even less, if some guy with a URL makes a snarky comment about it. I'm sure he must beat his wife while screwing his girlfriend while paying his tab at the Emperors Club. Deep breath everyone.


Carrie said:

So, C, Insulators keep things cool as well as keeping them warm.

With that said, you are right, hair is, in fact an odor absorber as is any natural fiber, and armpit hair can stop deodorant from being properly applied to the skin. Thats why my boyfriend shaves his armpits more often than I do.

But the point is, that the Egotastic guy, probably would assume my boyfriend is gay, and not just a sweaty guy who keeps ruining his shirts.


greensprout said:

Hahaha, C -

"Not to be a misogynist or anything, but [blatant misogyny]"

"I really don't want to split hairs about this, but [blatant hair-splitting]"

Bravo!


Blogista said:

Douchebag indeed. I have stopped referencing his blog a while ago. Too much testosterone and not enough comments. I get sick of the blatant rip offs too. Oh and straight, bi or gay if you have armpit hair, rock it, if not, who cares...


Missy said:

I'm not sure I understand what is going on here. I mean, I agree with what you're saying in this post, that a woman should not be judged for her physical appearance. But then I scroll down a bit and see Jennifer Lopez being compared to Miss Piggy because she hasn't dropped the baby weight a month after giving birth.

Yeah, you guys are really fighting the good fight here.

Sigh.


cris said:

You know what? For a site that prides itself on covering nipple slips and celebretards in bikinis, Egotastic should probably consider keeping his goddamn mouth shut on anything relating to women in the 21st century.

I mean, more than likely she didn't shave her pits because of the role. And if that's not the case? Well who the fuck cares. It's not like she's getting busted on DUI's and posession of cocaine.
It's 2008, I hardly remember to shave my legs, unless I'm going out. I guess I'm a lesbian too.


Hell, you may have inspired me to stop shaving my armpits.


renni said:

I like you even more after this! You keep it up, rock on!!!


Melanie said:

I don't shave my underarms and I now love you. Maybe that makes me a lesbian. But that's fine by me.


abby said:

I loathe the guy at Egotastic. Mostly because every single post he writes is rife with creepy-overweight-loser-living-with-his-mother vibe. I even heard he wrote the "New York magazine Lindsay Lohan naked pictures" post entirely in his own ejaculate. And later his mother's tears. True fucking story.


Flannery said:

I once had to wear a flannel shirt in a play. Oh man...you guys...I think I'm a lesbian stereotype.


Az said:

I take i none of you are familiar with Drunken Stepfather.

Leave a comment