Off the Wagon: (Phrase) Of an alcoholic drinking after a period of abstinence.

Well, it sounds like Lindsay Lohan is officially off the wagon! I mean, she's been unofficially off the wagon pretty much ever since she left rehab... But now she's not even trying to hide it anymore, as she spent Saturday night boozing it up in NYC at Hawaiian Tropic Zone where (girl?)friend Samantha Ronson was spinning.

For the first hour, the star sat at her table, chatting with friends and smoking cigarettes. Then Lohan started dancing to Britney Spears's "Gimme More." Drinking Grey Goose and Red Bull cocktails, she danced the night away with girlfriends. Lohan really got into the music, tossing her hair around and doing full body rolls - even throwing her hands in the air and singing along to Madonna's new song "4 Minutes." (Source)

It sounds like all those millions spent on rehab were a great investment. Maybe next time -- for just a fraction of the cost -- she can just hire me to follow her around with shock sticks and I'll just tase the motherloving freckles off her every time she reaches for a drink. My plan is 100% safe and effective. Well, 100% effective, anyway -- the FDA and I tend to differ on the nuances of the term "safe."