Fucking Fantastic: Tom Cruise is going to go couch jumping again. (Yeeeah!)

Angelina Jolie wearing yellow, ready to pop, and vein-erey than ever! (Seriously? OMG!)

Claire Danes is the new face of Gucci jewelry. (Daily Stab)

Mariah Carey's performance on "GMA" was a disasterbacle. (The Blemish)

Britney Spears newly rehired manager plans to exercise her to the death. (Celebitchy)

The Jonas Bromos listen to Elvis Costello? Way to ruin Elvis Costello for me. (Buzzworthy)

Madonna leaves public bathrooms without washing her hands. Gross. (Agent Bedhead)

Raven-Symone says: "ME WANT FOOD!" (Celebslam)

That dorky kid in all those skanky Miley Cyrus myspace photos exposed! (Hollywire)

Deal is a poker movie about as exciting as watching fucking poker. (Pajiba)