There are... no words. (Seriously? OMG!)

Lindsay Lohan takes a "nose-picking constitutional" around Beverly Hills. Hee. (Yeeeah!)

You know what America's biggest problem is these days? Not enough Zhang Ziyi! (Popoholic)

Menu Suvari before short hair, gay tattoos and stumpy boyfriends. (usemycomputer)

Take a gander into Madonna and Guy Ritchie's mating ritual. (The Blemish)

Oh yeah, and in other Madonna news, Madonna hates fat people. Bitch. (Celebitchy)

Sure, Amy Winehouse is a bad influence. But Kelly Osbourne ain't exactly unchartered territory herself, so maybe Sharon should get off her high fucking horse. (CelebritySmack)

Jenna Jameson must have prepared for her role in Zombie Strippers by horribly disfiguring herself. (Agent Bedhead)

Watch Dustin and I duke it out in the Greatest Internet April Fool's Joke of All Time yesterday. Oh, the malicious, geeky fun we had! (Pajiba)