Lisa Marie Presley is married to a Keebler Elf. (Yeeeah!)

Lauren Conrad gave a beej to the Jolly Green Giant. (popbytes)

What? The Fuck? Why do people still let Paris Hilton be in movies? (Rad Report)

A peek into Beyonce and Jay-Z's fairytale racial stereotype wedding. (The Blemish)

Sigh. Now I'll never get to call her Mary-Louise Parker-Dean-Morgan. (Seriously? OMG!)

Heather Mills is a four letter word that starts with C and ends with T. (Celebitchy)

Perez Hilton is a thief. Oh, and also a stupid dickwad shit for brains. (CelebritySmack)

Pam Anderson is still fucking gross. (Ayyyy!)

Fergie looking less "dudey" than usual. (usemycomputer)

Screw you, George Clooney. I'm an angry freak in a brightly lit room, thankyouverymuch. It's because of my poor eyesight, okay? (Wendy Wayrad)