Smack Talk: (Verb) A competitive situation which involves verbally attacking your opponent or  opponent's family members; see also: Your Momma Jokes.

If you think the fracas between Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen is going to slow down anytime soon -- you've greatly overestimated the amount of maturity two seemingly rational adults should possess. This week? Denise airs her dirty laundry to Page Six! Whee!

"Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he's going to Family Day [for daughter Sam's school] and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold," Richards said. "His response was, 'I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you [bleeping] whore.' My mom died of cancer. This is what I deal with on a weekly basis.

Not to be outdone by cancer wishes, Denise goes on to address the alleged emails in which she is said to have requested Charlie's sperm:

Richards claims the e-mails sent to Mueller were fakes: "I don't want Charlie's prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We'll leave it at that. I am so over him. He's the one who can't move on. He's disgusting and he's hit an all-time low."

Clearly, Denise Richards must be over Charlie Sheen if she's telling all this to a tabloid newspaper. OK, since obviously neither of these two have any business being within 50 feet of children, much less parenting them, here's my verdict: Full custody to Kevin Federline. Nothing helps a person get their shit together faster than giving the young'uns to K Fed. It's like saying Oscar the Grouch would be a better parent than you are. See? If you can't force somebody to be a responsible parent, you can always shame them.

These poor, poor children: