Mariah Carey can clear a bathroom with the ease of a thousand Uncle Tonys. (Yeeeah!)

Britney Spears might be headed for a permanent slot on HIMYM. (Seriously? OMG!)

One of these days the skin around Christina Aguilera's implants is gonna give and it's gonna be like sitting front row at a "Gallagher" performance. (Popoholic)

Ashlee Simpson wedding coverage? Can we just not and say we did? (Celebitchy)

Breaking! Britney Spears carrying Mel Gibson's love child! (The Blemish)

Blake Lively looks good in a bikini even when she's sitting down and leaning forward. Bitch. (Celebslam)

Madonna's going to build a multimillion-dollar school in Malawi, presumably to teach underprivileged girls how to act whorey well into their golden years. (Holy Moly!)

Didn't you know? Side-boob is the new butt-cleavage. (Ayyyy!)

Now how can we lure all the Scientologists back onto this boat? (Agent Bedhead)

Charlize sizzles in W magazine. (CelebritySmack)

Cate Blanchett looks amazing at Cannes just four weeks after giving birth. (Socialite's Life)

"Beauty and the Geek" is all poindextered out. (Pajiba)