Guess which famous housewife isn't getting enough at home? (The Blemish)

Blech. This is the hairiest asscrack I've seen that wasn't attached to a pair of balls. (Yeeeah!)

Mariah Carey wearing an outfit made of sausage casing? Must be Monday! (HQ Celebrity)

Courtney Love finally realizes full life potential. (Celebslam)

Sharon Osbourne's precious Meeeennie is going to be pooping on the marble floors of doggy heaven. (Seriously? OMG!)

Fox News shows <strike>un</strike>characteristically poor decorum in reporting supermodel Ruslana Korshunova’s apparent suicide. (Celebitchy)

Another round of guess the celebrity ass. (Agent Bedhead)

Pamela Anderson calls Jessica Simpson a whore. Coming from an actual whore though, I'm pretty sure that's a friendly gesture. (IDLYITW)

Here's a fantabulous idea: Britney Spears might be headlining the VMAs! (Bricks And Stones)

If you've been stranded on a dessert island all weekend -- WALL-E was, uh, good. (Pajiba)

Second Coming: (Noun) The prophesied return of Christ to earth at the Last Judgment.

Because apparently Christian music doesn't already suck enough, in an interview with USA Today, Heidi Montag says that she wants to record a Christian album because she has always had a "crazy connection to God." I guess no one told her that God hates famewhores.

However, when questioned about decidedly un-Christian behavior, such as spreading rumors of  a Lauren Conrad sex tape -- Heidi reasonably compares herself to Jesus Christ:

God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know? But it doesn't matter to me.

So to recap: Jesus Christ was persecuted because of his religious beliefs. Heidi Montag is persecuted because she's a stupid whore who everyone hates. That's practically the same thing, right? Because hey, if it means we can crucify her, I'm all for that. I've got a brand new dress hanging in the closet, just waiting for a good old fashioned crucifixin' to wear it to. You bring the giant nails and wooden cross; I'll bring the potato salad!

Here are some photos of Heidi not wearing makeup, just like Jesus:

Suffocate: (Verb) Figuratively, to feel or cause to feel trapped and oppressed.

Everything seems to be going smoothly between John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston, who spent the past week accompanying John in the UK during a few stops of his summer tour. However friends are starting to worry that "Clingy Jen" may be rearing her insecure head.

That might just be OK with beau John Mayer. “He puts on this act in his blog but he likes being followed around and all of the attention. He’s a typical rock star that way. Jen feeds right into it,” said a source who knows Mayer.

Will it last? “They’re really into each other. John’s definitely different with her than he’s been with other girls, so maybe,” said the Mayer source. (Source)

Just wait til he realizes that there's a difference between "fun, puppy-dog, ego-stroking" clingy and "scouring your hard drive for photos of ex-girlfriends and evidence that you've looked at internet porn" clingy. The latter is decidedly less sexy. And also illegal, so I'm told, if you're having some "time off" and said scouring said hard drive involves some minor "B and E."

Jen photographing John from side stage at a concert in Hyde Park -- or as I like to call it, "stalkering practice."

Crazy Birthday: (Exclamation) Greeting you wish to a mentally deranged person on their special day.

Our favorite mentally retarded person, Juliette Lewis turned 35 this weekend, and we here at WIMB would like to send our best wishes. Here's to 35 more cake-snarling birthdays!

Scientologize: (Verb) The process of converting a person into Scientology.

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith, who are totally not Scientologists -- why would you ever think such a thing -- are funding an elementary school which just happens to incorporate the teaching methods of L. Ron Hubbard, as well as employ church members for teachers. Apparently to prove how totally secure they are with their non-Scientologyhood.

A Hubbard-influenced teaching method called study technology will be applied. It focuses on hands-on experience, mastering a subject before moving on and not reading past words students don't understand.

Among the reading, writing and 'rithmatic classes, the curriculum includes living skills, robotics, yoga, etiquette and technology. The school also has a no-sugar policy and encourages parents to limit their children's television time. (Source)

And the best part is the school is nondenominational, so that means anyone can attend! Even Will and Jada's kids! Actually, non-Scientologist kids are especially encouraged to join. Don't worry though, they promise not to brainwash them. And anyway, kids are almost impossible to influence, right? Especially ones that have been deprived of sugar and TV. Their heads will be too clear to do anything stupid like renounce knowing their families for a Snickers fun size bar.

More of the non-Scientologists at the concert for Nelson Mandela this weekend:

Asshole: (Noun) An irritating or contemptible person.

In spite of recent health scares, Amy Winehouse performed at the Glastonbury Festival over the weekend. Always a crowd pleaser, Amy kicked off the show by spitting her gum into the crowd -- classy! Then later in her set, for reasons not entirely clear, she got into a physical altercation with a fan; first elbowing and then punching the individual. (As seen in the above clip.)

You know, this whole time I think I've really been wrong about old Amy Winehouse. Here I've been thinking she was this cautionary tale of the dangers of fame and misguided substance abuse. But now I'm just starting to think she really is just a total, lowlife piece of shit. Just a real, Grade A scumbag. Boy, am I so not going to feel as bad when she eventually dies of like scurvy or something.

More of Lady Winehouse in all her spitting, boob finagling glory at the Glastonbury Fest:

Finally, Dustin wants to eff something other than Ryan Reynolds. (Pajiba)

David Beckham is confounded by the appeal of his ginormous underpants monkey. (The Blemish)

Aww, Mel Gibson tried to fix Britney up with his loser kid. (Celebitchy)

Amy Winehouse tell Nelson Mandela to go fuck himself. More or less. (Yeeeah!)

It was nonstop drama in Jamie Lynn's delivery room. (Celebslam)

Uma Thurman gets proposed to with a 8+ carat diamond surrounded by 20 smaller stones. Note to self: find Swiss multimillionaire boyfriend. (Bricks and Stones)

OH EM GEE. Lindsay Lohan has an illegitimate secret sister! (CelebritySmack)

Contrary to popular belief, Summer Glau is fantastic in any season. (HQ Celebrity)

Going by what is now known as the "Gigli Theorem," Madonna and Guy never stood a chance after Swept Away. (Seriously? OMG)

Compulsion: (Noun) An irresistible urge to behave or performs actions in a certain way against one's conscious wishes.

Regular readers may have noticed a little pattern around here by now. I post entries about Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, you guys leave comments that say "Please stop writing about these people" and I continue to post about them anyway.

But just so you know that I'm not the only one sickly obsessed with them, check out David Letterman's interview with Mary Kate Olsen last night. Letterman, as you may know, had Spencer on the show recently, and incredulously skewered him for five minutes. So naturally, when Letterman speaks to Mary Kate, he's less interested in her new film The Wackness, and more interested about the fact that she went to high school with Spencer Pratt. After he gets her to admit that he's "wormy" and that he had a bad temper during soccer, she kind of stops responding to him while he continues to interrogate her about what a turd he is anyway. And yes, it is awesome. (5:00 into the clip.)

Mary Kate, for her part, has a good sense of humor about it, and laughs it off. Side note: anyone else think it's weird to hear her speak? She's pretty annoying in a hippy-dippy way, but kind of funny at the same time. Hmm. The jury's still out on this one.

Anyway, here she is on her way into the studio showing off her cute little gams:

Gift Whore: (Noun) A gift of inferior quality or suspicious intentions, which should be accepted uncritically despite reservations: "Don't look a gift whore in the mouth."

Paris Hilton is said to have made an "extremely generous" donation to the Childrens Hospital of Los Angeles yesterday, towards a new cancer center to be opened in 2010. This comes after her Larry King appearance last year when she claimed she wanted to "help raise money for kids and for breast cancer, multiple sclerosis."

"The children I have met through my involvement with Childrens Hospital have truly touched my heart," Hilton said in a statement. "I am proud to make a donation and lend my name to the fundraising effort to help children who are facing terribly serious illnesses." (Source)

Oookay. Now I'm all for helping kids with cancer as much as anyone -- but seriously, what's the catch? That was an entire year ago, literally to this day, that she said she supposedly wanted to turn over a new leaf. What was the holdup? Did someone suddenly get a visit from the Whores of Christmas past, present and future? I know somebody else who does nice things for people seemingly for no reason -- and his name is Satan. And he will come to collect on your ass.

It's gonna take a lot more convincing than that, Mother Theresa:

Old Spice (Noun) A masculine blend of sweat, gasoline, and animal blood, it is the surest way to snag the hottest chick at the bowling alley.

All right: Putting aside the overpowering putridity of Old Spice, I gotta hand it to the advertising folks for the company, who have put together two of the better commercials in recent history. But, which is better? The Neil Patrick Harris Old Spice commercial (above), or Bruce Campbell's (below)? It's an impossible question.

Dignity: (Noun) A sense of pride in oneself; self-respect.

Although Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling have signed onto the CW's "90210" spin-off, Luke Perry is making it clear that he has no plans to reprise his role as Dylan McKay.

“I can’t re-imagine it currently,” Perry told The Billy Bush Show Thursday. “It’s just not something that I’ve thought about to be quite honest,” Perry revealed. “I don’t see it happening.” As for his former castmates Spelling and Garth, “I wish them a lot of luck. I hope they have a lot of success with it,” Perry said. (Source)

If that wasn't abundantly clear, here's a helpful celebrity translation for you:

"I can’t re-imagine it currently."
Are you fucking kidding me?

“It’s just not something that I’ve thought about to be quite honest."
No seriously, dude. I oughta punch you in the face for even asking such a stupid question.

“I don’t see it happening.”
If I was that hard up for cash, I would sooner sell my used chewing gum on ebay.

“I wish them a lot of luck. I hope they have a lot of success with it.”
See you ladies on next season of "Skating with Celebrities!"

With former co-star Jennie Garth at "Chevy Rocks the Future" in February:

Crocs (Noun) Hideous but revolutionary shoes made of Croslite polyurethane—an antimicrobial resin that (contrary to anecdotal evidence) resists odor. The classic clog is made several colors with and without holes and with and without straps.

When crocs are acceptable: If you're a middle-aged housewife who also wears curlers in her hair to the supermarket; if you're a child aged 12 and under; mowing the lawn; going to Wal-Mart if you're the sort of person that calls it Wal-Marts; if you're going to the zoo; for blogging, but only if no one ever knows; to a swimming pool, if the swimming pool is in your back yard; or, if you wear them ironically to a black-tie event.

When crocs are unacceptable: When you're rich; when you're a rock star; when you're male; when you're 60 or over; when you're wrote a song called "Dude Looks Like a Lady," or when you're motherfucking Steven Tyler. Tyler just lost what's left of his respect faster than a Spears girl lays a fertilized egg.

It just ain't right. 

Wall-E (Pixar Film) Best reviewed film of the year so far, about a robot stranded on Earth. 

Just think: If you had one of these, you'd be watching Wall-E right now.

Res ipsa Loquitur (Expression) A term from the Latin meaning literally, "the thing itself speaks" but is more often translated "the thing speaks for itself."

The poster for Rob Zombie's 2009 release, Tyrannosaurus Rex, manages to say everything, yet nothing at all. I don't care for Zombie as a director, but based on this poster alone, I'd go see this movie.

Unholy: (Adjective) Not holy; unconsecrated; sinful or wicked.

Now I'm as big a fan of Tiffany "New 'Hot Mess' York" Pollard as anyone, but something just seems so wrong about this. Hasn't the memory of Marilyn Monroe been desecrated enough without having to be associated with the stank of menthol cigarettes commingling with Vaseline? But I guess if you consider the alternative -- which would be exhuming Marilyn's mummified corpse, outfitting it with a weave, acrylic nails fake boobs, Snuffalupagus eyelashes and sticking her in "I Love New York III: Weekend at Bernie's Style" -- maybe this isn't so bad after all.

Judy Garland on the other hand... Eh, I can see the resemblance:

When your daughter is flashing her flesh for the pages of Maxim, is it a good idea to tag along and watch? Beats me. Ask Hulk Hogan. (Celebslam)

More on the Hulk/Brooke creepiness: She describes her ass as "an old car." (Celebitchy)

NPH, proving how absolutely fantastic he is, reprises his role as Doogie Howser. (Seriously? OMG!)

The Crue kickstarts some hearts on David Letterman. (Celebrity Smack)

Another valuable lesson from Abby: Don't fuck with Southerners. Amen, and pass the ammo. (Yeeeah!)

And speaking of Amens: Is John Mayer set to retire? (Bricks and Stones)

Hmmmmmm. (Celebwarship)

Kanye gets ALL CAPS on somebody's ass. (The Blemish)

Classic Week continues over on Pajiba. The latest? Young Frankenstein. (Pajiba)

Fierce: (Adjective) Someone who is bold, daring, creative and fabulous.

Does anybody know who this is? Yup, it's none other than Tank Girl herself: Lori Petty. Ms. Petty here was fierce before we as a culture even embraced the word into hipster slang. These whorey, useless bitches today don't know the meaning of fierce. What I wouldn't give right now for her to throw on a pair of combat boots, jump in that tank and go on a Paris Hilton, Ashlee Simpson and Heidi Montag killing spree. Sigh... A girl can dream, right?

More of Lori at the L.A. Film Festival screening of her directorial debut, The Poker House:

Second Amendment (Constitutional Amendment) A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

Although I don't necessarily agree with it, now that the Supreme Court has ruled today that, officially, the right to bear arms extends to individuals (and not just members of the militia), I do see a sole bright spot. To the first misogynistic, asshole gossip blogger who makes a beached whale joke about these images: I have the right to buy a handgun and go to your house and put a bullet in your face. It's only a matter of time.

Girl looks great for a 38-year-old late-term pregnant woman wearing a two-piece bikini. So, suck it.

Mesmerizing: (Adjective) hold the attention of someone to the exclusion of all else or so as to transfix them.

Of his hot ass make-out scene with 22-year-old Mary Kate Olsen in their upcoming film, The Wackness, Sir Ben Kingsley, 64, told People that Mary Kate "was completely in charge." Gross. Considering that most men probably freeze in terror when they see her Cheshire Cat face coming towards them -- she was probably left with no other choice. I actually heard if you stare into her eyes for too long you're declared legally insane; just like someone who trips on acid more than seven times. It's a fact.

Another fact? Scoliosis is so hot right now. At a screening of The Wackness with costars Olivia Thirlby and Josh Peck.

Succubus (Noun)  A demoness from Hell whose sole purpose is to drain the souls of men by having sex with them while they are asleep; a bitchy, controlling girlfriend.

Although the rest of sane America has rightfully, appropriately, and justly turned against Rainbow Killer for her litany of public relations guffaws, as well as her divatistic, arrogant behavior -- most recently, throwing the "Grey's Anatomy" writers under the bus -- there's still one guy who stands by his woman. Katie's wife, Josh Kelley.

“I’m always supportive of Katie, no matter what she does,” Kelley told Us Weekly.

Hence, their recent photo-op/getaway to Cabo San Lucas. “We needed time away from work and industry hassles,” said Kelley. Kelley also has shown other signs of support in the relationship, according to the mag. He’s “learning how to do Katherine’s curlers … if you are wondering why my guitar sounds weird, it’s because I burnt my pinkie on the curlers." (Source)

Sheesh. Josh Kelley is, like, the Katie Holmes of men. I'll concede that I had no idea who Kelley was before that succubus stole his soul, but I'd like to think that he wasn't the sort of guy who kissed his cell phone whenever his wife called. Now? Well, of course he supports Heigl, because that's the only time she'll allow her emotionally and socially dominated life partner speak. It's only a matter of time before the man is holding a weekly pedicure parties -- I oughtta know. I have the prettiest toes on my street.

Gotta go now -- my wife's giant feather doesn't fan itself, you know.

Fake (Noun) Anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is.

How many folks saw this video, got really excited, sent it to about 12 friends, and then realized it was fake?

It's a goddamn viral Gatorade commercial.

Man, I was crushed. It just goes to show you, unless it's Ryan Reynolds, nothing is as good as it appears. Bummer. All well. Here's some RR: 

Helping: (Verb) Make it easier for someone to do something by offering one's services or financial or material aid.

You know what really chaps my ass? When these celebrities speak out on the war or on charitable causes, while they sit on their piles of money and expect regular schmoes to do all the work -- as if associating their name with a cause is charity enough. Well fuck that. Angelia Jolie and Brad Pitt just plunked down $1 million through their Jolie-Pitt Foundation to help children affected by the Iraq War.

The Jolie-Pitt Foundation will provide $500,000 for school supplies and education programs for refugee children in Iraq and $500,000 for American children who either lost a parent deployed in Iraq or have a parent serving in that country. (Source)

It's times like this, I see that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt really are kind, altruistic people; so maybe I should go on a moratorium of giving them shit. Well, unless they name their twins something stupid or she wears an ugly dress, of course. I'm only human, for chrissakes.

Back Fat (Noun) The scientific term used to describe fatty deposits in one's lower back. 

Jumpin' Jehosofat! Those Brazilians are messed up:

Victoria's Secret model Karolina Kurkova is being attacked by the Brazilian media for appearing too fat on the runway. Kurkova was slammed in the country for appearing in a bikini with what critics called "back fat, love handles and cellulite" at the Cia Maritima show during Sao Paulo Fashion Week. (Source)

Hypothetical exchange between an American male and a Brazilian journalist:

American: I wouldn't kick her out of the bed for eating crackers.
Brazilian: Actually, it's the crackers that are the problem.

Just look at the unsightly back fat:

 

Brain Scrub (Noun) The act of having your memory erased by a Brill-O pad. 

Three words, and an accompanying image that you're going to want to have brain scrubbed:

Mini-me sex tape.

*Shudder*

Denied: (Verb) To reject someone in the most humiliating, public way possible.

My faith in Barack Obama has been restored after the presidential candidate went public in dismissing Scarlett Johansson's claims that the two were email BFFs.

Obama told reporters Tuesday that "she sent one email to [my assistant] Reggie [Love], who forwarded it to me. "I [wrote] saying, 'Thank you Scarlett for doing what you do,' and suddenly we have this email relationship," he explained. (Source)

Since ol' Tits McLispicuddy probably never had the opportunity to date out of her league, I guess the nuances of "kiss and tell" were lost on her. When I was fifteen, I was talking to this totally gorgeous popular guy for a hot minute (who we'll call "Dick" as it's both a person's name and an insult) after he told my friend he liked me and got my phone number. All we did was talk in the hallway between classes, but one day this bitch in my art class caught us holding hands, and was all, "Oooh, are you and Dick going out?" And I was all, "I don't know, I guess." So she went back to him and was all, "Stacey told me she's your girlfriend" and he was like "NO SHE'S NOT!" And he never spoke to me again. A month later, he transferred to a private school; and a couple summers later I was working at the local swimming pool snack bar, and he wound up being a lifeguard there and pretended he didn't know me for the entire summer.

Looking back, that was pretty embarrassing. But that was just some douchehunk with smoldering eyes who's probably balding by now, not the next President of the United fucking States. But hey Scar: on the bright side, soul crushing shame and humiliation is character building!

custody-4.jpg" src="http://www.webstersismybitch.com/images/britney-custody-4.jpg" class="mt-image-center" style="margin: 0pt auto 20px; text-align: center; display: block;" height="377" width="500" />Britney shows up to court dressed presentably with her hair brushed and wearing a bra and everything. Mommy! I'm scared! (Yeeeah!)

Tori Spelling shows us her "miracle baby." I think the miracle is that it's not a real baby. That thing looks like it's made of plastic. (Seriously? OMG!)

Showgirls on Broadway would be the best thing to happen since peanut butter met jelly. (Film Experience)

Ben and Jen are like, we are totally not breaking up so shut your stupid face Ted Casablanca, if that's even your real name. (Celebitchy)

Brazilian media says that Karolina Kurkova is a fatty. Bwuh? (The Blemish)

Fun with Photoshop: Stupid A-hole Mario Lopez edition. (Radar)

Solange Knowles is the victim of great treachery. (Ayyyy!)

Because Brooke Hogan apparently has nothing better to worry about than those photos of her dad putting lotion on her ass, she informs us that's it's totally normal. (Celebslam)

Borat's banana hammock is inspiring men's fashions. Kill me now. (Agent Bedhead)

Kirsten Bell offers to let us check under the hood. (HQ Celebrity)

Hot: (Adjective) Someone who is extremely sexually attractive.

You know, I never understood the sex appeal of Matt Damon until now. There's just something about a dude scoping out underage poon for mustache rides that really does it for me. Probably because it brings back memories of my 11th grade algebra teacher. Say what you will, but 35-year-old math enthusiasts who never had sex before make for surprisingly generous lovers. Unfortunately, they also make for unsurprisingly huge crybabies after you dump them for a senior on the wrestling team and then rat them out to the principal when they won't stop calling. Double edged sword, really.

Keeping It Real (Expression) When staying true to your "roots" or your priorities or principles as a person and applying to a certain type of a event or situation.

I don't know what I think of these images of Christian Bale "keeping it real." I mean, on the one hand, it's kind of cool to know that Bale throws the old football around (a little odd, since he's from the Wales), that he plays with his dog, and goes canoeing, just like the rest of us.

But on the other hand: I think I like him better in a Patrick Bateman ensemble or, you know, the Bat Suit. There's something kind of unsettling about knowing that one of the best actors of our generation spends his time pretending that he lives inside of the L.L. Bean catalog.

Christian fucking Bale rocking the Adirondack Straight Leg Jeans, Wrinkle-Resistant Classic Oxford Cloth Shirt, Double L Poplin Pants and the Carefree Unshrinkable Henley:

 

Exception: (Noun) A person or thing that is excluded from a general statement or does not follow a rule.

The BET Awards were held last night -- and admittedly, I don't know much about rap music. So maybe that's why I'm confused at to why "Ms. Kids Incorporated" herself, Fergie took the stage with Nelly during his performance. Isn't that kind of missing the point? If you're just gonna let any old crackers sing at the BET Awards, why exclude Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera? They've got as much "street cred" as Fergie. I heard being on the "Mickey Mouse Club" was practically like growing up in Compton.

Alicia Keys, Lil Kim, Kayne, Rihianna and a bunch more from last night's show:

Mortified (Verb) To cause to experience shame, humiliation, or wounded pride.

You gotta wonder a little what it's like for 14-year-old Indio Downey to go out in public with his Dad. I mean, is he proud or a little mortified? On the one hand, it's his Dad. But on the other, it's Robert Downey, Jr. On the one hand, RDJ -- a gazillionaire -- is wearing the type of outfit you might find at a thrift shop. But then again, thrift shops are cool. If you're 23. Or maybe if you're Robert Downey, Jr.

But I'll tell you this: It doesn't matter who he is or how cool he is, dollars to donuts says that no 14-year-old kid wants to be seen with his father when his Dad is carrying an over-the-shoulder fannypack/man purse.

That ain't right. Not even for RDJ.

 

 

Get Some (Verb) To receive something well, whether it be sex, money, victory, or something else.

Joss Whedon fans: Although you'll have to wait a little longer to see the long-awaited web musical series, "Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog," starring Nathon Fillion and Neil Patrick Harris, the teaser trailer is officially live.

Get some.

Asswipe: (Noun) A person who resembles in behavior, language or attitude, a device which has been used to remove excrement from the anus.

Ashley Dupré's lawyer has issued a statement that he and his client are not in fact dropping their $10 million lawsuit on Joe Francis, after Francis went on "Access Hollywood" yesterday (the only "media outlet" which ever pays him any attention) claiming the following:

“She is [going to be] a no show,” Francis told Access. “Her lawyer says that she is dropping it and issuing an apology to me.”

God I cannot wait until this piece of shit is back in jail. Joe Francis is one of the few people in history other than Julia Roberts who can make a call girl look like a sympathetic character. The only reason anyone should ever apologize to Joe Francis for anything, is in the case that an inmate stabs him but misses the kidneys. But see, that's the beauty of the prison stabbing -- if at first you don't succeed, bleed that motherfucker like a pig. And anyway, technically Joe Francis should be the one apologizing for getting the inmate's nice, homemade knife dirty with his stupid, dickwad blood; so forget what I said before. No one should ever apologize to Joe Francis for anything.

Abomination (Noun) A creature so horrible that if you look at it for to long, your eyes will start to bleed. Lives in drainpipes and grease pits surrounding high schools and universities. The origins of the abomination goes something like this: a giant plague infested sewer rat rapes an AIDS carrying orangutan, in the ass, while in the restroom of a 747. The orangutan proceeds to shit out the ass baby that was conceived The baby abomination gets ejected out of the plane along with a large amount of shit. While falling, the abomination gets hit by lightning and catches fire. Upon reaching the ground, the flaming abomination slams into a mountain side at terminal velocity and then rolls down the side, hitting every rock on the way down. Baby Bom-Bom then reaches a cliff where it falls off, still on fire, and lands on the ugly tree, where it falls hitting every branch on the way down. It then falls into a campground, still on fire, where a family proceeds to beat it with sticks and stomp it out with their golf cleats. They then dump it into an outhouse that has a good 20 ft of shit in the bottom. Here the abomination matures, stewing in the shit of countless years. (Source)

I don't know who the man is in this video, but he's a fucking abomination. He should be strung upside down by his testicles and drowned in fresh cattle carcass. Jus