Assfacehole (Noun) E!'s Ted Casablanca.

The audacity. The nerve. The chutzpah! What a fucking assfacehole! Ted Casablanca -- a gossip columnist who seriously needs to have something sharp and metal shoved into his pretty little chin dimple -- has the nerve to suggest that all is not right in the land of Ben and Jennifer. He writes:

Sources insist to me that Jennifer Garner is considering splitting up from her hubby, Ben Affleck. Say it ain't so, baby-cakes! Nevertheless, waiting on comment now from both parties. Could this be the reason Jen and Ben are always seen cooing over adorable daughter Violet separately, rarely as one happy family unit? Perhaps. (Source)

Bite your fucking tongue, asshole. First Ryan and Alanis. And now Ben and Jennifer? No sir. Not true. Ain't happening. And your an assfacehole dickmonster loobyhockey dillymobile for even suggesting it. It will never happen. And they should sue you for slander. And libel. And then someone should kick you in the ribs for passing along tainted gossip. You, sir, are a scalleywag!