Card-Carrying: (Adjective) Confirmed in or dedicated to a specified pursuit or outlook.

Like me, you probably lay awake at nights wondering for hours on end: just what is up with Ashton Kutcher's beard? Well, we finally have the much anticipated answer. In, "I Should Have Fucking Known Better to Ask" news, it's for Kabbalah!

Some Jews and Kabbalah followers adjust their habits during a 50-day stretch in the springtime. In honor of one the sadder periods in their history, they forego certain indulgences, such as weddings, music, shaves or haircuts. Indeed, according to photos, Kutcher started growing his beard right around Passover, the start of that 50-day phase. (Source)

Uh, yeah... Here's the thing. Back when Jebediah Kabbalah was writing the tenets of his religion, maybe getting a shave or a haircut was considered an indulgence -- but now that we live in the age of running water it's kind of considered basic hygiene. If you want to forego an indulgence, why don't you try moving out of the mansion, Kutcher? Why not go a week without catered meals, Dom Perignon or sex with the trophy wife? Oh right, because those things aren't "in your face" enough to show everyone how awesomely Kabbalah-tastic you are.

Because I guess "Lavish Hollywood Parties" aren't considered a Kabbalah indulgence either, Kutcher and the missus at the Chrysalis Butterfly Ball last month: