Hilarium: (Adjective) A combination of "hilarious" and "pandemonium," as in something that is so funny it literally has the potential to cause chaos.

I know you guys are all gonna hate me for this. Save it. There's no way you could possibly hate me more than I hate myself. Heidi Montag's new single "Fashion" has dropped onto the internet like a dirty bomb, and its infectious like anthrax. But at the same time, it's the most hilarium thing I've heard since Heidi's last single. Spencer Pratt raves:

"It's the greatest song of my life."

Seriously, are Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag robots? If a human person had such bluffing skills to make that statement with a straight face, then why are you wasting all of our time with these ridiculous songs and not off making millions of dollars at poker? Go!

Such turds. But at the same time, I'm completely fascinated by them, like that episode of "NewsRadio" where James Caan becomes obsessed with Matthew. God help me.