Hot: (Adjective) Someone who is extremely sexually attractive.

You know, I never understood the sex appeal of Matt Damon until now. There's just something about a dude scoping out underage poon for mustache rides that really does it for me. Probably because it brings back memories of my 11th grade algebra teacher. Say what you will, but 35-year-old math enthusiasts who never had sex before make for surprisingly generous lovers. Unfortunately, they also make for unsurprisingly huge crybabies after you dump them for a senior on the wrestling team and then rat them out to the principal when they won't stop calling. Double edged sword, really.