Alec Baldwin suggests, rather than ride horse-drawn carriages, get messed up on booze and joints. Amen. (Celebitchy)

Rod Stewart gets hungry, attempts to eat wife's boob. Unequivocally answers burning question: "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" (Yeeeah!)

Kelly Osbourne channels Ugly Betty. (Seriously? OMG!)

The Olsen twins have apparently broken up; divorce papers pending. (Celebwarship)

Jeremy Piven gets rejected by Megan Fox. Man, I didn't see that one coming. (The Blemish)

Ellen buys Portia a pink diamond so big it's gonna make her puke. (Celebrity Smack)

Brad Pitt will own your box-office dollars this fall. (The Film Experience)

Finally, Stace and I offer up our entries for Classic Week (1970's edition) over on Pajiba. (The Jerk & Harold and Maude)