Finally, Dustin wants to eff something other than Ryan Reynolds. (Pajiba)

David Beckham is confounded by the appeal of his ginormous underpants monkey. (The Blemish)

Aww, Mel Gibson tried to fix Britney up with his loser kid. (Celebitchy)

Amy Winehouse tell Nelson Mandela to go fuck himself. More or less. (Yeeeah!)

It was nonstop drama in Jamie Lynn's delivery room. (Celebslam)

Uma Thurman gets proposed to with a 8+ carat diamond surrounded by 20 smaller stones. Note to self: find Swiss multimillionaire boyfriend. (Bricks and Stones)

OH EM GEE. Lindsay Lohan has an illegitimate secret sister! (CelebritySmack)

Contrary to popular belief, Summer Glau is fantastic in any season. (HQ Celebrity)

Going by what is now known as the "Gigli Theorem," Madonna and Guy never stood a chance after Swept Away. (Seriously? OMG)