Big Loser: (Noun) A person has lost something considerable.

After months of speculation, Megan Fox has announced that she's ended her engagement with former "90210" star Brian Austin Green.

Sources claim the pretty brunette, 22, sent business associates correspondence last week alerting them to the sad news. An insider says, "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realizes she's too young to marry him." (Source)

Or maybe she just realized that she's Megan Fox and he's Brian Austin fucking Green. Now maybe it's my lack of a penis, but I'm not even one of those people who is all "Ohhhh, Megan Fox, I bow down to thy transcendent hotness." But this is Brian Austin Green we're talking about. It takes me a good ten seconds when I hear his name to differentiate in my head between him and Bud Bundy. I mean, they're practically the same person. So really you could take that statement and replace Megan Fox's name with pretty much any name and it still makes sense. Like this: "Or maybe she just realized that she's Spitzer's Whore and he's Brian Austin fucking Green." See? And you're like, what was Ashley Dupré doing with Brian Austin Green?

Here are some species of animal who are better off than Brian Austin Green: