If I had a dime for every time some dumb shithead on a competitive reality show proclaimed that they're "not there to make friends"... Clearly, I'd be really fucking rich. (FourFour)

Fuh-inally. Hot girl on girl action that doesn't involve Lindsay and Samantha. (Celebslam)

Oh, here's something that doesn't make me want to vomit whatsoever: Will Smith brought his Hancock costume home to use "in the bedroom." (Seriously? OMG!)

Speaking of things that barely make me want to vomit: a Spencer and Heidi reality show? Be still my puking heart! (Celebitchy)

Nicole Kidman names her baby something as representatively boring as everything else about Nicole Kidman. (The Blemish)

Just like my mom always used to say: "You can take the baby out of the skank, but you can’t take the skank out of Nicole Richie." (Yeeeah!)

Uber-gorgeousity Heidi Klum is a big proponent of aging gracefully. (HQ Celebrity)

The Wackness turns out to be much more layered and poignant than what you'd ever expect from a movie about weed and hip hop. (Pajiba)

Those catty bitches over at Jezebel want me to apologize for making fun of the only person (other than Heidi Montag) I've ever made fun of on this site without a high enough functioning brain to even understand the concept of "ridicule." Hmph. (Jezebel)