Stoned (Adjective) A state of mind which occurs after smoking enough marijuana to the point where the user stares blankly into whatever catches his/her attention.

Big news out of the Television Critic's Association Press Tour: Sarah Jessica Parker's reality show has landed over on Bravo! "American Artist" will be about aspiring artists who compete to produce various types of art. The winner, judged by a panel of art experts, will receive a cash prize and have his or her work featured in a gallery.

Wow! How's that for an idea? Watching people paint? Literally watching paint dry? This show is gonna be huge! I've had this huge gaping hole in my television schedule ever since "The Joy of Painting" went off the air and Bob Ross passed away (R.I.P.) Ah, how I loved that soothing voice, the slow strokes, and the happy little trees, the happy little trees. Jesus God, will somebody please pass around the joint already? Did you guys skip me this time? What the fuck? Don't bogart that doobie, Holmes. And who ate all the Swedish meatballs? Where's the civility brother? I'm trying to ... woooaaah. Look at the muscles on that dude.