Epic Fail
Epic Fail: (Phrase) Extreme failure of the highest degree.Newlyweds Chris Kattan and his wife, model Sunshine Tutt have separated after only eight weeks of marriage. Insiders* speculate the reason for the split being that he was Chris Kattan and she was any woman other than Helen Keller; and therefore could still see and hear that she was married to Chris Kattan. On a positive note, Sunshine Tutt is now the unofficial world record holder for "Longest Marriage to Chris Kattan."
*In other words, "the writer of this blog."
More wedding photos, which were just released like less than a week ago: (Oh, the irony!)
Who is Chris Kattan? No, seriously. I've never heard of this person. Is it the guy or the girl? Sunshine doesn't help nail it down, either. Is Sunshine the guy or the girl? Don't answer. I don't even care.
This was a blind item only last week or so. Some commenter nailed it. Was waiting for this shoe to drop. I think "they" said he was cheating on her already, with boy or girl, unknown.
Mango looks like he's about fifty, and Sunshine looks like a wax figure Celine Dion, i.e., an idealized, way prettier but still creepy, younger version of the original. My head hurts trying to figure out who I hate more in those photos.
"Mom, I'm still not sure I want to marry someone who's most famous for having a feral transvestite as his signature character and for getting into a slap fight with Andy Dick."
"But honey, just think of your wedding photos splashed all over the internet."
"That's true. I can always throw him overboard eight weeks into it."
"Or later if he somehow manages to get a sitcom pilot. Meantime, just close your eyes during the nasty parts."
Are her flowers forget-me-nots? Oh, the irony!
Maybe he's a homo gay?