Failure
Failure: (Noun) A complete lack of success.The reviews of Jessica Simpson's country performances are starting to roll in, and as expected, they're extraordinary. As in: that Jessica Simpson is an extraordinary nut sack, all right. Here are some choice snippets from an Ontario, Canada show:
It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson’s show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck. At some point, a train knows where it’s going.
Simpson needs to explain in exhausting detail what every single song is about, and the endless banter kills any momentum. She’s still living in a reality show, convinced everyone is so fascinated with her personal life, they’d rather hear her talk than sing.
How bad was it? Before the new song “Man Enough,” she said her man must be ready for anything - including the possibility she’s pregnant with an alien.
Simpson opened up about God, divorce and, um, flatulence. “I do pass gas a lot,” she said. “I guarantee it smells like roses.” Seventy bucks a ticket, folks.
Frankly, it’s hard to take her serious when she declares how much she loves “Destiny” Springfield, and then performs a version of “Son of a Preacher Man” so devoid of soul, Dusty would disown it. (Source)
At this point, I think the only adequate way to end the review would be to enter in a special code to the buttons on the video game controller and have his guy punch her guys head off. Or this would probably also work in a pinch. FINISH HER!!
I like how she wears the plaid shirt over the corset for that "authentic" look:
she reminds me of a bouncy, shrill puppy with the desire to lick everyone's face.
can we send her to a kennel?
Or kick her?
Her shirt should read, I'm Cuntry!
damn, that's an awesome venue.
it's really intimate... must have been excruciating.
on the other hand, it's in a casino, so there was the opportunity for drunk hecklers who just go to see any show that's playing there that weekend.
The overshirt is to cover the bulges from being stuffed in that corset. They tend to give any woman a little pudge up top if you aren't the pre-requisite size 2. It was either this or hearing for days how "fat" she is which I'm pretty sure would just be adding insult to injury at this point...
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ooooh jessica simpson.
my friend actually works with the man, john law, who wrote the review...it's from a local niagara falls newspaper. i guess he's received a lot of hate mail about it. i'd say it's worth it though.
Get out! I'd sure say it's worth it, too. And, in fact, I wouldn't mind sending him some fan mail. A real champion of men, that guy is.