If Jesus really exists, and has nothing better to do than form His (does Jesus get a capital H?) likeness in a fucking cat for midwest yokels, then clearly we're all doomed. (omg blog)

Sheesh. A little fingerbanging the boss and all of a sudden you're in a "relationship with Britney Spears." (The Blemish)

John Mayer is looking... different. What's the word? Oh right: gayer. (Socialite's Life)

Speaking of fucking Elmo... Thanks to Kelly! (SpikedHumor)

Insert your own Kim Kardashian joke here! (Celebslam)

Madonna makes out with someone who appears to be Pete Wentz. (HQ Celebrity)

I just can't bring myself to make fun of Liv Tyler's adorable little boy. (Seriously? OMG!)

Miley Cyrus is like a "Melrose Place" character transplanted into a 15-year-old girl. (Yeeeah!)

When film marquees collide! (Agent Bedhead)

Michael Ian Black presents the 8 Awesomest Custom Vans in the History of Awesome. Ran out of decades in the "I Love the ___" series, huh? Zing! (BestWeekEver)

Awwww... Little Dawn Wiener is engaged! (Celebitchy)

Christian Slater's head is so smooth and shiny it looks like you could eat off of it. (Ayyyy!)

Tara Reid still has that weird thing attached to her stomach. (I'm Not Obsessed)

Manny takes his final bow. (CelebWarship)

The most riveting thing about the Mummy III is trying to spot Brendan's hair plugs. (Pajiba)