Lame
Lame: (Adjective) Something intended to be entertaining, yet uninspiring and dull.Last night I watched the MTV Video Music Awards. I think the last time I actually made a point of watching them (other than remembering to tune in for Britney's performance last year) was back in like 1992, and Dana Carvey was hosting. I was 15 and just starting ninth grade back then (eff you, I was held back!) so that was really the last year I wasn't too cool to watch the VMAs anymore, and then after that I started putting holes in my face and listening to punk rock music. And then I took the holes out of my face, and became an adult and got a respectable-type job, and still didn't care about the VMAs. But then I started slinging gossip, and here we are. Amazing how everything comes full circle, huh? Anyway, not to sound out of touch, but I liked "I Kissed a Girl" better when Jill Sobule sang it, and it wasn't all embarrassingly stupid and trying too hard. Suck it, Katy Perry.
Speaking of Katy Perry, she broke out her best granny-panties for the event. If she and Miley Cyrus kissed in the middle of the woods and nobody gave a crap, would it still make a sound?
The Jonas Brothers gave one of their routine Grade-A (Turd) performances, and there was also some fracas over the wearing of their promise rings. Russell Brand made fun of them for it, and then some chick from "American Idol" stuck up for them by saying not everyone wants to be a slut. Way to generalize there, champ. But in all seriousness, there are two options here: the Jonas Brothers are getting some serious tail, or they're gay. I mean, one of them is like twenty. Come on. And does anyone even remember how Britney was supposedly a virgin? Yeah. How'd that work out?
Speaking of Britney: look who finally made her comeback! She won three awards including Video of the Year, and looked absolutely smashing in a vintage Versace dress. I don't even have anything snarky to say here. Go Britney. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stick my head in the oven. It's electric, so this might take awhile.
Speaking of comebacks, even Lindsay Lohan, who presented, looked surprisingly way less skanky than usual.
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz came dressed as Pregnant Gargamel and Gay
Ventriloquist Dummy. (Seen with Michael Phelps, who also presented with all the charisma of a two-by-four.)
Demi Moore and her sad middle-aged tits presented for Best Male Video with no bra on. Classy. My only hope is Rumer got snubbed for Demi, proving that Rumer's own mom is still more relevant to her demographic than she is.
Christina Aguilera won my award for Most Ridiculous Effing Outfit of the night, looking like a cross between Ursula from The Little Mermaid and Donatella Versace. She also performed a medley of her songs, but really: I can't get past this mess.
It wouldn't be the VMAs without MTV's flagship useless retards. I wonder if the McCainiacs here squirmed when Russell Brand went off on his political rant, saying that in the UK "George Bush wouldn't be trusted with a pair of scissors." You know Spencer's shit-eatin' grin faltered there for a second.
Last and most certainly least, the Wonkmeister General and Punk Rock Powder. Ten bucks says she was contractually obligated to wear those beat-ass Barbie hair extensions of hers.
Speaking of Britney: look who finally made her comeback! She won three awards including Video of the Year, and looked absolutely smashing in a vintage Versace dress. I don't even have anything snarky to say here. Go Britney. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stick my head in the oven. It's electric, so this might take awhile.
Speaking of comebacks, even Lindsay Lohan, who presented, looked surprisingly way less skanky than usual.
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz came dressed as Pregnant Gargamel and Gay
Ventriloquist Dummy. (Seen with Michael Phelps, who also presented with all the charisma of a two-by-four.)
Demi Moore and her sad middle-aged tits presented for Best Male Video with no bra on. Classy. My only hope is Rumer got snubbed for Demi, proving that Rumer's own mom is still more relevant to her demographic than she is.
Christina Aguilera won my award for Most Ridiculous Effing Outfit of the night, looking like a cross between Ursula from The Little Mermaid and Donatella Versace. She also performed a medley of her songs, but really: I can't get past this mess.
It wouldn't be the VMAs without MTV's flagship useless retards. I wonder if the McCainiacs here squirmed when Russell Brand went off on his political rant, saying that in the UK "George Bush wouldn't be trusted with a pair of scissors." You know Spencer's shit-eatin' grin faltered there for a second.
Last and most certainly least, the Wonkmeister General and Punk Rock Powder. Ten bucks says she was contractually obligated to wear those beat-ass Barbie hair extensions of hers.
Well, you have to hand it to Katy: she has an impressive lack of Camel Toe in these pictures.
And it's hard to miss the Jonas Brothers' completely gay resemblance Adrian Zmed. Seriously: if you put these kids and Bill Shatner in the same room, you're wind up with a really sad flashback to 80's network homoeroticism.
Not, as they say, that there's anything wrong with that.
Punk Rock Powder...hahaha!!!
Rumer DID show up, but the producers were all, "umm...where's your mom?"
I thought that WAS Donatella! Nice wig, Xtina. Please just say "hello, bisches" and be done with it.
I truly can't stand Russel Brand. Go home on a slow boat, limey whore.
Yeah, one other thing: La Lohan needs to get on the stair-stepper or some damned thing because her legs look like complete shit. She has no excuse for being what? 22? and having legs that look like she sits on the couch all day watching soaps and eating Healthy Choice frozen lunches.
Seriously: that's not even funny.
Whoa 'hater from siloam springs' are you serious? I was thinking La Lohan should eat a cheeseburger she's looking very, very thin but her legs look fine.
Katy Perry I know is going for the whole retro thing, but really? A 50's bathing suit?, at least put on some pants. And Ashley Simpson-Wentz whatever her name is, does she really have to keep emphasizing her belly by holding her dress under it - we know, you're knocked up - jeesh.
Ohh I agree! I hate when pregnant broads do that. Seriously who the fuck cares that you got big? Im pregnant and I hate the fact that my ass/belly is expanding. Kind of a necessary evil though.
I completely agree on Katie Perry. She's trying waaayy too hard. Real talent does not need to rely on gimmicky sexuality. It's been done to death.
popzi:
Seriously now -- you're saying that Jennifer Aniston's legs in the Toronto Film pix today are not 100 times better looking than Lohan's?
Look -- I can't be responsible for your taste, but as a fellow WIMB commentor, you need to have your eye checked.
Plastic surgery disasters, each and every one of 'em.
(Dead Kennedys reference FTW)
I totally thought it was Lindsay in that first pic with Katy, that's not a good sign for Milley