Eerie: (Adjective) Strange and frightening or unsettling.

Hear me out now. It's not the Dead Daddy Cake that creeps me out, it's the maniacal grinning and giving of the thumbs up. Personally, I think Dead Daddy Cake is a dish best served somber. Of course, I always cry while I'm eating cake, but that has less do to with dead people and more to do with a crippling eating disorder.

Editor's note: Nice shirt, Paris.

Emphatic (Adjective) Uttered, or to be uttered, with emphasis; strongly expressive. 

I dunno, folks. Somehow, singing, "I got something to say, I killed your mother today," just doesn't carry the same emphatic weight when you're wearing a plain grey T-shirt (American Eagle?), a slight non-alcoholic beer belly, and plaid fucking shorts.

So sad, isn't it? All our heroes either die or become fathers.

Epidermis (Noun) The outer protective, nonvascular layer of the skin.

Ah, great. Hayden Panettiere, proving once again that in the world of music, if you can't sing, strip. Talent is conversely proportional to the amount of clothes you're wearing. In Hayden's case, she's probably going to need to peel off her epidermis just to reach gold album status.

 

Equine Dentistry (Profession) The science concerned with the diagnosis, prevention, and treatment of diseases of a horse's teeth, gums, and related structures of the mouth and including the repair or replacement of defective teeth.

You ever wonder if Hilary Duff and Miley Cyrus go to the same equine dentist? It's not just the veneers, it's the whitener. It looks like the two of them go through the same process I go through to remove grime and mildew through from vinyl siding: Pressure washing at 3,000 pounds of water per square inch (PSI). 

Exception: (Noun) A person or thing that is excluded from a general statement or does not follow a rule.

The BET Awards were held last night -- and admittedly, I don't know much about rap music. So maybe that's why I'm confused at to why "Ms. Kids Incorporated" herself, Fergie took the stage with Nelly during his performance. Isn't that kind of missing the point? If you're just gonna let any old crackers sing at the BET Awards, why exclude Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera? They've got as much "street cred" as Fergie. I heard being on the "Mickey Mouse Club" was practically like growing up in Compton.

Alicia Keys, Lil Kim, Kayne, Rihianna and a bunch more from last night's show:

Embarathy (Noun) A combination of embarrassment and empathy. Feeling embarrassed one someone else's behalf.

Endearing: (Adjective) Inspiring love or affection.

Goddamn it. Just days after I go off on a well deserved rant about how much this guy chaps my ass, the jerk shows up at the MTV Movie Awards wearing a T-shirt with -- get this -- a picture of his wife and daughter on it. Come on, now! Even a supreme bitchface like myself is no match for that level of adorableness. You win this round, Sandler. I still hate your crappy movies, but I will concede that you're probably a pretty nice guy. You ass.

More of the cute-ass Sandler family:

Emulate: (Verb) Match or surpass (a person or achievement), typically by imitation.

Ali Lohan has started shooting her first film, R.L. Stine's Mostly Ghostly, in which the 14-year-old  will play a "popular high school senior." Recently the Mini-ohan told Teen Vogue:

"I grew up watching Lindsay, and it made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you…it's so cool when people look up to you. I've already been asked for my autograph, and it's just a really good feeling to have."

Well, being that Lindsay Lohan looks like she's 37 at 21, I can't think of a better way for Ali to emulate her sister than playing a high school senior at 14. This way, she'll be ready for those meaty "stripper whore" roles by the time she's 17; and by 21 she should likewise be finishing up her third tour of rehab. And the great circle of life turns again!

Header image from Georgia Rules premiere last May. Below; Mini-ohan and White Oprah at the High School Confidential premiere last month:

End of the Trend: (Expression) A fad or craze which has been gratuitously or obscenely overdone to the point of death.

I blame it on Demi Moore. That goddamn Vanity Fair photo shoot she did back in 1991 basically achieved the same result that we'd get if we turned off our spam filters -- essentially, leaving the door wide fucking open for any riffraff to just come strolling on in to ruin it for everyone.

And as if Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears weren't bad enough, now there's this. I get it, OK? Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. But guess what? Tori Spelling is not. In fact, this is right up there with being forced to look at pictures of my parents having sex or puppies being tortured. Enough is enough. I call for an end of the trend!

Evil Eye: (Noun) A profoundly immoral and malevolent look, embodying or associated with the forces of the devil, thought capable of inflicting injury or bad luck on the person at whom it is directed.

After Rumer Willis finally reads what the gossip blogs have been saying about her and goes into hiding, Bin Laden style -- here's a preview of the next Moore/Willis spawn we'll have to contend with: Tallulah Belle.

Now Tallulah Belle is only 14, so it would probably be uncouth of me to make fun of her ... However, is it just me or does she look kind of, um, devilish? Yeah. I've seen The Omen like, four times and I think I know evil eyes when I sees 'em. So I'm definitely not gonna be starting any shit with something that can only be killed with the seven daggers of Meggado.

Endorsement: Noun. An act of giving one's public approval or support to someone or something.

At the University of Dayton in Ohio on Monday, Spike Lee announced his endorsement for Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination.

"We are living in some very exciting times," Lee said Monday. "And the months leading up to the election in November will determine which way this country is going to go; forward or backward. It's up to you to do the right thing."

Really, Spike? Obama?? That's just totally crazy because I would have figured you for a Hillary guy. This election is just getting more and more redonkulous with each passing day!

Eunuch: Noun. A man whose testes are nonfunctioning or have been removed.

Earlier this week we reported that Gary Coleman was secretly married and had finally lost his virginity at age 40. Well, as it turns out -- only half of that was true. Guess which half?

Coleman, who turned 40 last week, tells news show "The Insider" he's still a virgin: "It's my business, it's my issue and I really don't think it's a problem."

But he insists he never set out to become a 40-year-old virgin: "I don't choose to be one, I just am. I have love in my heart, I have the desire; I just don't know what it is. It'll happen when it'll happen, and it'll happen for all the right reasons."

Okay, so to recap: Screech made a sex tape with two girls who willingly participated, but Arnold Jackson can't even get it on with his own wife. Am I missing something here? The only explanation I can think of is that Gary Coleman is an eunuch -- which actually, would kind of justify him being so fucking pissed off all the time.

Elegant. Adjective. Refined and tasteful in appearance or behavior or style; suggesting taste, ease, and wealth.

While a lot of folks were fawning over the magnificent and not-so-magnificent dresses, suits, tuxedos, and gowns at the Grammy Awards red-carpet arrivals, I found myself fixated with "American Idol" reject Ace Young's ensemble: A T-shirt with three-quarters length sleeves, green strips around the bicep, and a classy Iceland logo on the left breast. Ace's gleaming white smile and elegant attire sends this simple message to adoring fans and music lovers: "Who the hell let this guy in?"

Details of a restraining order filed by Lynne Spears against Britney Spears' friend and uh, "manager" Sam Lufti have surfaced, and it sounds like this guy could be solely responsible for "Insanity Tour 2007-80." Aside from allegedly drugging Britney, he also apparently disables the phones in her house, kidnaps her dog, emotionally abuses her, and manipulates the paparazzi. The whole thing can be read in its entirety here, but you can get the gist with this sordid nugget:

At another point in the evening, Sam bragged to me that he is the one who receives Britney's checks and that one of them was for me. I told Sam that I hadn't gotten any checks from Britney. Sam then told me that they are in his car. He told me that if he weren't in the house to give Britney her medicine, she would kill herself. Then he said to me "If you try to get rid of me, she'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave."

This is the kind of pure, unadulterated evil usually reserved for wicked witches and villainous stepmothers in fairy tales. Also, since Sam supposedly hates Adnan Ghalib and wants him out of the way, does that mean Adnan is actually Britney's Prince Charming? I never pictured Prince Charming with a landing strip on his face, but then again, in the fairy tales I read when I was a kid the princesses didn't go around exposing themselves and giving trolls custody of their children.

Endowed: Adjective. Provided or supplied or equipped with; particularly useful when referring to peeners.

Lily Allen's younger brother Alfie Allen has taken up the lead role in Peter Shaffer's play Equus, a role previously occupied by Daniel Radcliffe in all his uncircumcised glory. And as you can see in these edited photos taken from The Daily Mail, either someone is being pretty damn generous with the black boxes, or old Alfie here is really, really well endowed. I mean, would you look at that thing? It must go halfway down his damn thigh! And that's even accounting for "stage shrinkage."

(Thumbnails contain boobage and buttage and are NSFW!)