Influence: (Noun) The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.

Lily Allen found herself in some shit from an anti-violence group this weekend after being photographed wearing a gold machine gun necklace on Friday. (Photo not found.)

Lyn Costello, from anti-violence group MAMAA, says: "She is glamorizing the use of guns. It's totally irresponsible. She's a role model and people look up to her. The last thing we want is people looking at her and thinking guns are fashionable."

"I'm really disappointed in her. She had a meeting with the Mayor saying she's worried about knife crime but is she not worried about gun crime too. If she's really worried about violent crime then she shouldn't wear a necklace that promotes guns." (Source)

Oh please. Little golden guns don't kill people, fully-functioning machine guns kill people. And anyway, I'm pretty sure Lily Allen has her hands full as it is, what with promoting getting falling-down drunk in public and promoting letting her boobs fall out of her shirt to worry about promoting gun use. Seriously, one thing at a time, anti-gun nuts.

Lily looking somewhat confused and disheveled (as is her way ) at the Alfred Dunhill Store Launch Party earlier this month:

Incognito: (Adverb) Of a person having one's true identity concealed.

If you're having trouble recognizing this strange woman seen here -- you may be shocked and astounded to learn that it is none other than Christina Aguilera, holding her ginger baby Max. Likewise, you'd probably have trouble recognizing this man named Joe Maggard, who portrayed Ronald McDonald from the early 1990's until just last year.

It just goes to show how clown makeup can completely disguise a person's identity, which is probably why clown is such a popular occupation for serial killers.

Normal, painted Christina at the The Trump International Hotel & Tower last week:

Inconsiderate: (Adjective) Thoughtlessly causing hurt or inconvenience to others.

Madonna's 250-person staff for her "Sticky & Sweet" tour are apparently PO'ed with their travel and lodging accommodations, after being forced to fly coach while Madonna takes a private jet; as well as being put up in cheap hotels.

Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper also reports that there is growing resentment after the singer recently stayed at a $20,000 a night castle on the Cote d'Azur, while some crew were put up in a $92.50 a night hotel.

A source tells the newspaper, "Everyone is absolutely furious with her... they feel they are being treated like second-class citizens, despite all their hard work over the last few months." (Source)

Well I don't know what these crew members of hers expect. I'm sure Madonna would be perfectly happy to bunk with them at the Econo Lodge, but her coffin would never fit through the door. What do you think, she stays at freaking castles just because she's some overblown windbag of a diva asshole? Sheesh.

After feasting on some nutritious blood, with Guy at the RocknRolla premiere last night:

Innuendo: (Noun) An allusive remark, typically a suggestive or disparaging one.

Following the whole "Team Demi and Selena" T-shirt scandal ("scandal" used very loosely) Demi Lovato was recently going on about how the Jonas Brothers "have her back."

"They always have my back," Lovato, 15, said before a performance Saturday at Arthur Ashe Kids Day at the U.S. Open in New York. "They're very protective."

Kevin Jonas, 20, makes sure she has her water. Joe, 19, helps the self-professed klutz stay upright onstage, pointing out steps and other things that might trip her. "I'm very uncoordinated," said Lovato as a gaggle of her elementary school and 'tween fans screamed from the stands. "I'm surprised I don't fall onstage more. They're like, 'Watch your step.' " (Source)

Apparently though, the Jonas Brother aren't doing their job so great, because just yesterday she totally ate it onstage. To be fair, though, I'm pretty sure the Jonas Brothers have a lot of peoples "backs," if you know what I mean. Except with, you know, mostly dudes. If you know what I mean. And I think you do know what I mean.*

*Pssst... I mean butt sex!

Joe Jonas dressed up like one of the Village People recently:

Infestation: (Noun) To be present in large numbers, typically to cause damage or disease.

Oh, crap.

The Jonas Brothers have apparently found a way to multiply. Because we all knew they weren't going to do it the old-fashioned way, by sticking their wieners into ladies. Either way, this is definitely not good. If you need me, I'm heading to my uncle's hunting cabin with six months food and water supply and a small artillery. Because if it comes down to it, you can be sure I'll be bringing at least a few of these evil, frizzy-haired sons of bitches to hell with me.

Inflated: (Verb) To have filled a balloon, tire, head, ego (or other expandable structure) with air or gas so that it becomes distended.

Rumer Willis is inarguably... unique looking. But here's the thing: if she came off as gracious, or as having an even remotely endearing personality, I would probably think she was really cute. The problem is, the few times we hear her speak she says crap like this:

"We all have so much fun together. I’m so lucky," she tells this weekend's Page Six magazine. "My dad and Ashton get along — it’s not weird. There’s no jealousy or drama.

"If we weren’t all entirely morally opposed to doing a reality show," she adds, "I guarantee it would be the best-selling reality show ever.” (Source)

Who the hell does she think she is, Spencer Pratt? The only problem is, Spencer Pratt isn't morally opposed to anything. And come to think of it, neither is Rumer Willis. That little twat did a campaign with Wal-Mart for eff's sake! That's like second only to being the cover girl for "Clubbing Baby Seals Quarterly." The reason Rumer's family isn't doing a reality show is because her mom is Demi Moore and her dad is Bruce Willis. If someone were to offer Rumer her own reality show on the other hand, I'm fairly certain she would lap it up quicker than Dina Lohan does a puddle of vodka that spills on the bar.

Potato Head heading into "The Late Show" studios last week... Someone please tell me why she's on Letterman again?!

Idiots (Noun) Bloggers. Or Brooke Hogan. I can't tell.

A confession: Aside from what I glance at when I occasionally post about her, or from what my WIMB colleague writes, I don't know shit about Brooke Hogan. She's Hulk's daughter, and she wears a lot of bikinis. And her Dad likes to play in her crack. That's the extent of my knowledge on the subject. That is, until I ran across this post on her blog, which I'm guessing sums her up pretty well. Here's some tasty excerpts:

First of all lets address my 'voting" comment- first of all opinions are like (you know whats)-everyone has one. I decided to make a very blunt comment. Notice how i said "I know IIIIII couldn't do it cause I'd be pms-ing and freaking out all the time" ....Honestly I'd LOVE to meet a woman with NO emotional problems....but thats not the point...but its true. LOL Second- Only 54 percent of eligible american voters cast their ballots!!!!!! Half of them are only voting cause its "cool " to vote for so and so...they aren't even up to date on information. I'M personally not up to date on the facts, so I don't wanna make a stupid choice for our country. I WANT to vote but only when I know exactly whats going on. More ppl should think like that. Paris Hilton said "yaaaay go vote cause its cool and hott!!!!" ...SHE WASN'T EVEN REGISTERED. seriously.

What the fuck is she saying? Halfway through that paragraph, my brain jumped out of my skull and slapped the shit out of me for making me read it. Has she ever taken a grammar class? Has she ever attended any class? There's ample evidence therein suggesting that certain people should be kept away from not only the voting booth, but a keyboard.

But, here's my favorite excerpt:

I hate blogs but I love mine. Cause I can be F-in REAL with people!!!! ,,, [Bloggers] are teaching our young generation how to be catty , obtain false ways of thinking and wrong ways of treating people...not to mention giving them horrible self image to look up to and horrible life choices that they are being taught to make led by an example from IDIOTS.

Let me just reiterate the last line: "They are being taught to make led by an example from IDIOTS."

Is English her second language, or am I so big of an IDIOT that I just can't make sense of her eloquence? Ask Brooke what irony means, she'll tell you, "Of or relating to the taste of iron."

Insecurity: (Adjective) A personality trait of someone who lacks self esteem, often lashing out at others in a petty or childish way to boost their own faltering confidence.

I can't believe I'm posting a second item on Miley Cyrus today. This website really must be going to shit, huh? At any rate, I was going to use the word "bitch" for this entry, but I didn't want to tarnish the good name of Webster's is my Bitch by doing so.

But wow: Miley Cyrus is really, just like, a total fucking bitch. I barely know anything about the young Disney up and comers, Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato, who are the subject of this bratty little spectacle (although I'm sure I'll grow to hate them in time) but seriously? This little chipmunk-faced piece of shit has nothing on them. Maybe Selena and Demi should make their own video of themselves covered in bedsheets crying, "NOOOO! Don't take my PICSHUUUURE!!!" and tongue-kissing a big cardboard cutout of Billy Ray all while maniacally flashing the peace sign. Well, that's what I'd do, anyway -- but of course, I am obviously an expert at dealing with these sort of affairs.

Selena (R) and Demi (L) -- both of whom are totally cuter than Miley:

Inappropriate: (Adjective) Not suitable or proper for a particular occasion.

The big news while I was away last week was that Britney Spears gave up custody of her kids. But it wasn't enough to stop her from showing up looking fab-u-lous at an autism fundraiser held by Jenny McCarthy this weekend -- which will probably be an important cause for her once she finally manages to procreate with a paparazzi with the IQ of a bowl of M&Ms. What really struck me was Us Magazine's coverage of the event:

(Source)

Intelligence (Noun) An umbrella term used to describe a property of the mind that encompasses many related abilities, such as the capacities to reason, to plan, to solve problems, to think abstractly, to comprehend ideas, to use language, and to learn.

I've never really liked the music of Tori Amos, but I've always sort of appreciated that it was there. More than that, I had a little respect for the woman, who -- along with Ani DiFranco -- were the feminist icons of my college years. But I've lost complete respect for the woman, after she gave an interview with Out Magazine boasting about the intelligence of Perez Hilton.

I think he’s funny, but more than that, he’s very smart. He’s scary smart. And that’s why this is occurring -- because he’s extremely intelligent ... Sometimes people forget that when they talk about the panache -- that sometimes really distracts, intentionally, and masks you from the mastermind. But there is a huge mastermind that lives in Perez. And some people would find that very calculating, but then anybody that’s really good with concepts has to know that the concept is airtight. And if you have a good concept, you’ll inspire hate as well as ecstasy. Because if it’s just OK, nobody gets hard. It’s just one of those things -- it can occur while you’re at the dentist -- it doesn’t matter. But if it pushes those buttons in some way, then you have to know it’s a fucking great concept but it might not be what the public wants all the time. That doesn’t mean they’re right. When it comes to art, the public isn’t always right. The public likes what they like for all kinds of reasons. And sometimes it’s, “It’s just because I want it this way!” But that doesn’t mean it’s the most exciting choice.

The one saving grace from Tori's comments about Perez, however, is that she makes no goddamn sense. She just kind of rambles and rambles, and if you were the unfortunate soul who had to conduct the interview, I suspect about halfway through one of her idiosyncratic soliloquies, you'd be half asleep, drool collecting around your chin. The woman is a mess -- a long-winded, tedious mess. 

Idiocy: (Noun) Extremely stupid behavior.

It wouldn't be a day that ends in "Y" if PETA weren't trying to star a high-profile shitstorm over something irrelevant -- and today the lucky target just happens to be Sharon Stone! In his upcoming autobiography, Ernest Borgnine writes that for their 1981 film Deadly Blessing, Stone requested that a large tarantula have its fangs removed before she would work with it.

PETA president Ingrid Newkirk, who's tangled with Stone over her wearing fur, told Page Six: "She chose to make a tiny insect an amputee. Perhaps she should change her name legally to 'Heart of Stone.'

Oh snap! She really got her there. On the plus side, it must be really great that the world is apparently so free of animal cruelty that the only stuff PETA can find to complain about is unfair treatment of a fucking spider over 25 years ago. Maybe PETA should change it's name to Attention Whores for the Idiotic Bitching About Irrelevant Crap to Further Their Own Selfish Notoriety. I guess "AWIBICTFON" doesn't have the same clever impact as "Heart of Stone," though.

Just for fun: a couple of PETA's finest whores wearing bikinis made out of lettuce. Oooh, take that, whatever asinine shit you're protesting:

Idol: (Noun) A person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered.

You know what I never get sick of hearing? [Insert pop-tardlet of the moment] blibbedy blabbing about how they want to be the next Madonna. So I bet you'll never guess who Miley Cyrus aspires to be like!

"Madonna always reinvents herself, and that's what I want to do. Whatever comes my way that sounds good, that's what I want to do." (Source)

So basically, what Miley is saying is that she'll use any and all all means necessary to claw her way back into the spotlight time and time again. Well, that does sound like Madonna, but she's got a pretty big cone-shaped brassiere to fill. For starters, she better get more comfortable with posing naked in front of a camera. And it wouldn't hurt to start getting acquainted with the world's penises. Madonna didn't get where she is today by not being a total slutbag. And no, Miley, your dad doesn't count.

Imitation: (Noun) The action of using someone or something as a model.

Jason Bateman is fighting back against the retardical accusations that the film Juno is to blame for a string of teen pregnancies in Gloucester, Massachusetts.

“I don’t know the specifics, but I can speak about what sort of responsibility entertainment should hold for social behavior. Unfortunately, we’ve had these instances where guys kill people because of what they hear in rock ‘n roll lyrics or some garbage like that. Look, if you’re going to blame a movie or song for your actions, whether they be good or bad, I think you’re looking at the wrong things to influence your life.” (Source)

Puh-lease. Like teenagers ever needed to find an excuse to fuck. No offense, but if even if kids were going to base their actions off of an Academy Award nominated film, I'd hope they could have found something just a little more inspired than Juno in last years selections. Take No Country For Old Men, for example. I mean, did you see what he did with that air compressor? That was redonkulous! Now if I was a kid, you can bet your sweet ass I'd be emulating that. So if that should happen, and you know, some kid out in the midwest starts blowing holes in his classmates skulls ... By all means start your "blame the movie" witch hunt.

Just because he's a total hunk and I love him: Jason Bateman getting molested by his Hancock costars on TRL (and sadly not me).

Identity Theft: (Noun) The fraudulent acquisition and use of a person's private identifying information, usually for financial gain.

A federal judge ruled yesterday that the Naked Cowboy can proceed with his lawsuit against Mars candy company for $4 million in damages over unlawful use of his image in the above billboard featuring a blue M&M dressed in his trademark briefs and boots.

"Sounds like I've got $4 million coming my way," the Naked Cowboy, whose real name is Robert Burck, told The Post upon learning of Manhattan federal Judge Denny Chin's decision.

Aw yeah -- guess whose got two thumbs and $4 million dollars worth of underpants? That's right: this guy. No more of that K-Mart bullshit, either. He'll be wearing only the finest tightey whiteys fit for kings! And I bet nothing enhances a dude's junk quite like having it encrusted in diamonds.

Insinuative (Adjective) To instill or infuse subtly or artfully, as into the mind. 

Open Invitation (Noun) A request, available at any time, to participate or be present or take part in something.