Kiss of Death: (Noun) A fatal or destructive relationship or action.

Last night Lily Allen co-hosted the GQ Men of the Year Awards with Elton John. Now, given how awesomely she handles herself at these types of affairs, it was pretty much inevitable that she get completely wasted on stage. But then? Things got worse. She got into a verbal altercation with Sir Elton:

When she came to announce '...and now the most important part of the night', Elton chipped in 'What? Are you going to have another drink?' She fired back: 'F*** off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!' The shocked audience fell silent.

A clearly rattled Elton replied 'I could still snort you under the table'. To which she replied: 'F*** off. I don't know what you are talking about.' (Source)

Nice going there, champ... Pissing off Elton John. I mean, the guy once picked a fight with Madonna. Evil, undead, Madonna for chrissakes! When Elton John says he's going to snort someone under the table, he doesn't mean just to do more coke than them. He actually means that he's going to crush your ass with the tidy little heel of his boot and snort you under the table. So I sure hope Lily enjoys looking over her shoulder and running in fear for the rest of her life. Elton's a'comin for you, bitch!

Keeper: (Noun) Significant other whom would make for good marriage material.

Kim Kardashian, who has been dating Reggie Bush for awhile now, recently told In Touch that she's started checking out bridal magazines and planning her wedding. Which might come as somewhat of a surprise to Reggie Bush, who hasn't so much proposed yet.

“I was in Vegas last weekend for a bachelorette party and saw how hectic it is to plan a wedding, so I’ve decided to start planning mine before being asked!”

Kim Kardashian is a modern woman, and in this modern society of ours, many men don't like to have to make pesky decisions of "who they are or aren't going to marry." Which is why I personally usually just wait until after the first time I sleep with a guy before whipping out the bridal magazines. Also, never underestimate the beauty of a faked pregnancy, because sometimes men don't aways realize that they don't want to make the pesky decision of who they are or aren't going to marry.

More of Bear Trap McGee at a fashion show earlier this week:

Killer (Adjective) Very cool.

Kissy Face (Noun) A face girls make when their picture is taken. Involves pursing the lips and sometimes tilting the head up. They think it makes them look sexy. 

Seriously, Kristen: If you don't stop it with the kissy face, your expression is going to freeze that way, and then where will your Hollywood career be?

Ah, who am I kidding? You'll get even more parts.

Here's Kristen in this month's UK FHM.

Peekaboo is a game similar to hide and seek, but played with babies. In the game, one (child, teenager, or adult) hides their face, pops back into the baby's view, and says — to the baby's amusement — Peekaboo! I see you!

Isn't this adorable? Ashlee plays Peekaboo just like my 11-month-old son: By covering just the one eye. I'll tell Ashlee the same thing I tell my kid: That's cheating, buddy, and if you keep it up, you're going straight to hell, where Satan gouges out your eyes out if you cheat.

Kicked to the Curb: (Phrase) To send your significant other packing.

Uh oh! It look like someone finally learned how to use the internet, huh Sarah? That's why I strictly forbid any of my boyfriends from even owning a computer, much less going online. My advice is look for a nice Amish boy. Sure, he may not "wear deodorant" or "have a drivers license," but on the bright side you'll never have to explain why you once ate a live scorpion on TV for money.

King Solomon: (Biblical Figure) Ancient king of Israel; noted for his great wisdom in the story where he offered to chop a baby in half with a sword to see who the mother was.

Here we fucking go again. Michael Lohan is reopening his divorce case against White Oprah, bitching that she's made it "hard as hell" for him to see his kids, and that the mini-Lohans haven't been to see their ill/injured grandparents. Oh, and also? There this:

Michael says he's also suing his ex over her upcoming reality show, "Living Lohan," slotted to air this summer on the E! channel. "It's the exact same show I pitched. She even used my title." (Source)

Good lord, have these people heard of King Solomon? On second thought, scratch that -- I don't want to give anyone any ideas that might lead to the goriest, most blood-soaked family style massacre since Helter Skelter.

The family Lohan at Lindsay's 21st birthday last summer:

Ki Ki Ki Ma Ma Ma (Syllables) The sound you hear in Harry Mendolsohn's score of the original Friday the 13th, in the final reel. The "Ki" is short of Kill, and the "Ma" is short for Mommy.

Derek Mears, that handsome feller above, is in final negotiations to play Jason Voorhies in the remake of Friday the 13th. Ummmm ... I don't think he'll need a hockey mask to terrify audiences. Jesus Christ! That's a guy you don't want to bunk with in prison; he could scare the shit out of colostomy bag.

Ki Ki Ki Ma Ma Ma.

Dayuum! Where did Sarah Michelle Gellar get cleavage from all of a sudden? Normally her chest looks like the chest of an eight year old boy, or a board, or anything else you can think of that's characterized by being completely flat. And then it's like, all of a sudden she's got full blown knockers! You know what this means, right? Sarah Michelle Gellar is finally becoming a woman. Pretty soon she'll be getting her monthly visitor and the boys will come a knockin!

We here at W.I.M.B. typically shy away from making cheap shots at celebrities expanding waistlines -- if for no other reason than the plethora of shitty celebrity behavior and unfortunate fashion choices more than keep our plates full.

However, I do take a teeny tiny ounce of joy in pointing out Rachael Ray's big ol' fat face, here. Thar she blows -- girlfriend is getting huuuge! Can we attribute this to karma over shilling for Dunkin' Donuts? Or perhaps the lure of the very sugar-laden monstrosities she shills was just too strong? Hope you can get that Vanilla Spice Latte with a shot of insulin, fatso!

Well now, what do we have here? Kylie Minogue in full on dominatrix gear? Looks like someone is ready for some kinky fun! Now what do you say we get out of here and go trolling the dive bars for a willing sucker to tie up and violate by ramming large, cylindrical objects up his ass? Or if rednecks aren't your thing, I could always just dial up Charlie Sheen again. Your call!

Check this out: The newest float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade: Donnie Darko's Frank the Bunny, who prophesies that the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds. Happy Thanksgiving, kids!

Killer!

Killjoy Defined

Someone who wants to ruin someone else's fun; a person who takes the fun out of things for other people.

Carl Bernstein -- the one in All the President's Men played by Dustin Hoffman, i.e., the uncool half of Woodward and Bernstein -- blames the lack of public affairs journalism on a culture "coarsened by celebrity news."

He said more resources are being devoted to the lifestyles of celebrities such as Donald Trump and Paris Hilton. Bernstein, 63, said he believes an "idiot culture" is partly to blame for the dysfunction of political life in the United States.

Oh, get off it, Carl. Don't be such a goddamn killjoy. You know what, fella? There may be significantly more celebrity news outlets today, but there's no lack of public-affairs journalism, either. The problem is the suckitude of public-affairs journalists -- Bill O'Reilly, Anne Coulter, Hannity and Colmes -- take your pick, fat boy. We get our news from freakin' Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, and Stephen Colbert because there's more goddamn truth in one of their jokes than an entire nightly newscast on CBS.

And you gotta lot a nerve blaming the dysfunction of political life on the "idiot culture," when the idiots in office contribute substantially to that culture. You want to know why people would rather read and talk about Paris Hilton and Donald motherfucking Trump? Because the meaningless, blathering nonspeak of politicians somehow manages to be even less substantive than what Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan have to contribute to the American conversation. Journalist report news -- and as soon as a goddamn politician does something newsworthy, I'm sure they'll rearrange their resources to report on it. But, for now, the major political story of the last month is about a man who decided to take up tap in a airport bathroom; somehow, I don't think that the public affairs journalist are missing much.

You want news, buddy? Dial up the Internet, you crotchety bastard. You can learn more about Lindsay Lohan's cooter and the Iraq War surfing blogs for 15 minutes than you could on an entire episode of The McLaughlin Group. We just process things a lot quicker these days, Mr. Bernstein -- we can separate the substance from the chaff in half a second, which usually isn't much of a problem when there's more chafe than substance, anyway.

Kanye-ism Defined
The creative, humorous and insightful philosophies and anecdotes used in creating [the] path to [Kanye West's] success.

Kanye West, with the help of J. Sakiya Sandifer, is set to release his literary debut, "Thank You And You're Welcome!," an astute tome chock full of Kayne-isms to get you through the day. From Kanye's blog:

It captures the same wit, playful irony, and piercing insight found abundant in my lyrics. In Thank You And You're Welcome! I deliver my personal message uncensored, without any five-second delay or media distortion. I'll post some sample pages within a week...

And now, Webster's Is My Bitch brings you an exclusive, never before peek into some of the brilliant insights to be found in Kanye's book. Enjoy!

"When life hands you lemons -- there's no shame in a temper tantrum."
"I'm Kanye West and you're not."
"It's OK for men cry sometimes."
"Fool Kanye West once, shame on you. Fool Kanye West twice, shame on Kanye West."
"Don't put off until tomorrow what you can bitch about today"
"I'm telling my Mom."
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it -- people like me."
"50 Cent is my bitch."
"I'm taking my ball and going home."
"Don't judge a book by it's cover. Except this book, which is completely awesome both inside and out."