Quitter: (Noun) A person who gives up easily or does not have the courage or determination to finish a task. See here.

Katherine "Skank Cancer" Heigl might finally be getting ready to drop the "cancer" part of her nickname. (Good luck with the "skank" part!) According to her "Grey's Anatomy costar T.R. Knight, the Skank of Cancer might finally be giving up her beloved cancer sticks.

From what I understand, quitting smoking has the tendency to make a person irritable, so I'm just wondering what effect this might have on Heigl's already sunny personality. Although if I had to guess, I'd say the effect would be not unlike sneaking up behind a bull with hemorrhoids and smacking it on the testicles with a two-by-four. Sounds like it's gonna be a fuuuuun time to be an assistant, writer, producer, grip or actor on "Grey's Anatomy!"

Rainbow Killer trying to eat a defenseless puppy:

Questionable: (Adjective) Not clearly honest, honorable, or wise.

And these two just can't figure out why everyone thinks their relationship might be inappropriate. Really, there? No clue at all? Well, for starters, the only reason why anyone should be holding their dad's hand like that is if he's got a white cane or the harness for a seeing eye dog in his other hand. Although, I will make an exception if your dad is like Jensen Ackles or something. In which case, I'd make sure to also put my hand in his back pocket and lean against him seductively -- you know, to let those other bitches know to stay away from my dad. I can't help it he's so dreamy.

Q-Ball: (Noun) Slang for a bald head on a white man; named for the ball in billiards.

Cameron Diaz is seen here on the set of her latest project, My Sister's Keeper, in which she plays a mother to a child with Leukemia who shaves her head in support. So as much as I'd like to make a lame Britney Spears or Mr. Clean joke -- I am going to demonstrate an uncharacteristic display of class and self restraint by not doing so. And if this means I have to go make fun of some retarded kids later to balance out my "asshole karma," then so be it.

And what red-blooded woman hasn't fantasized of doing this at some point, anyway:

Quitter: (Noun) A person who gives up easily or does not have the courage or determination to finish a task.

Even though "Grey's Anatomy" has only been back on the air for a few weeks, rumors are spreading that famous movie star Katherine Heigl may once again be trying to worm her way out of her contract for the television show which is solely responsible for her being famous. A source close to the TV doctor reportedly said: “She's working really long hours and is ready to move on.”

You know who else works "really long hours?" REAL DOCTORS, asshole! Except that real doctors don't spend their shifts not getting their lily white hands dirty while smoking cigarettes between reading lines.

More of Rainbow Killer doing what she does best:

Quack Fu. Noun. A term of American/Chinese origins, often used by speakers of the English language to refer to Anatidae (duck) martial arts. Famed comic-book character, Howard the Duck, is believed to be the foremost expert in Quack Fu.

Sad news: Steve Gerber, who in the 1970s created the characters Omega the Unknown, Man Thing, and Shanna the She Devil, passed away on Sunday due to complications from pulmonary fibrosis. Gerber, of course, is most famous for creating Howard the Duck, the famed character in the 1986 movie of the same name, a film considered one of the biggest box-office flops in history (in fact, it made nearly $1 million in profit worldwide before it's theatrical run ended). Howard and his brand of Quack Fu, never appreciated during his time, nevertheless developed a cult following comprised of forward-thinking people, culminating -- finally -- in the DVD release of the film last year. I'm glad Gerber was around for it.

R.I.P. Steve.

Ellen Page. Ellen, Ellen, Ellen. Let me just start by saying that I think you are an amazing actress. Great in Hard Candy and flat-out brilliant in Juno. I'm ecstatic that you were nominated for a Golden Globe, and I'm looking forward to future projects (the lesbian film with Olivia Thirlby? So cool). I think you're gonna be around for a very long time, even if you are ultimately saddled with the best friend role in studio romantic comedies.

But, Ellen: You're 20 years old. And while I really appreciate that you're not snorting blow and flashing your cootchie, it is OK to dress like a 20 year old and not some 50-year-old spinster librarian who got carried away at the Dress Barn. I don't know boo about fashion, but I'm pretty sure a sleeveless faux turtleneck dress with a belt buckle that looks like a fanny pack isn't appropriate attire for a premiere. You're an adorable girl with a refreshing lack of pretension, but I think you can do a little better than quirkus frumpus without drawing comparisons to The Starletards.


 

Kevin Federline appears on the cover of this month's Details “Power & Influence” issue -- somehow managing to rank No. 7 on the magazine’s list of 50 “power players" for essentially being a high priced gigolo with invincible sperm.

So many jokes to be made here -- but you know what? Fuck it, I quit. Nothing I say even matters.

On second thought... Props to the Details editor who paired K-Fed's photo with the "Are You Turning Your Kid Into a Douchebag?" article. Why, yes. Yes you are. Zing! Oh yeah -- still got it.