Ridic: (Adjective) Abbreviation for ridiculous; deserving or inviting mockery; absurd.

Alleged "comedian" Ant, best known for his work on "Fat Celebrity Degradation Circus," is suing British TV hosts who go by "Ant and Dec" for using his name.

Anthony Kalloniatis claims he is losing work because he is being confused for the Geordie double act and fears they could harm his career.

The comedian, 41, who hosts the US version of Celebrity Fit Club, also claims Ant and Dec's involvement in shows embroiled in phone-in scandals could also tarnish 'his valuable reputation'. (Source)

Now I want everyone to just stop for a moment to drink that in. Because unless I'm hallucinating, they really, really did use the phrases "Celebrity Fit Club" and "valuable reputation" in the same breath. I mean sure, I like watching Carnie Wilson crawl around in the mud in the name of so-called fitness as much as the next soulless bastard, but hell -- I don't even like to admit that in mixed company.

Responsibility: (Noun) The state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.

Sometimes I wonder. When Amy Winehouse dies, am I going to feel bad? I mean, of course it'll be tragic, as the downfall of a promising young talent always is... But will I feel genuinely bad because of all the time I spent making fun of her? And the answer is a resounding no.

You wanna know why? Because sure I make fun of her... But see these pictures here? She probably looks worse here than I've ever seen her look. Like literally, she could croak right on the spot. And guess what? She was at a concert paid for her appearance. Money, which was undoubtedly immediately used to buy crack. Sure, I've compared her to jerky, called her a Grade A Scumbag, Crackface, etc... But I've never given her a dime of my own money. It's called tough love, you stupid motherfuckers. And that goes double for any of you who have ever purchased an Amy Winehouse album. Consider yourself an accomplace. See? That's why I steal all of my music off the internet. That's the beauty of illegally downloaded music. No blood on your hands. So suck on that Metallica, you dumb assholes.

Recycle: (Verb) To use again.

Remember when I pointed out Jessica Simpson's carefully orchestrated "authentic" casual look at her disastrous Ontario, Canada show? Well! As it turns out, that outfit was actually... Carefully orchestrated. To her credit, it does appear that she's wearing different jeans, and lost the tacky belt. Papa Joe must have decided that the belt was too much. Because if there's two things Joe Simpson knows, it's when the belt is too much and how to perform a home breast exam on his daughters. Hey, there's no such thing as being too proactive when it comes to early detection of breast cancer.

More of Big Dummo at the Los Angeles County Fair this past weekend:

Relapse: (Noun) A deterioration in someone's state of health after a temporary improvement.

Oh.... Crap. So much for her absolutely no sugar, not-even-in-fruit diet. This right here is about the equivalent of seeing a known alcoholic stumble out of a dank bar at three in the afternoon. Plus, the greasy hair piled up on her head? Flip-flops? Tank-top with visible bra-straps? Given these early warning signs, I predict we may we headed for a Category Four Britney Meltdown. Stay tuned for updates. Any sightings of Britney in a gas station or Adnan Ghalib should be treated with extreme caution; passerbys are urged to seek immediate cover.

Ripe: (Adjective) Emitting a foul odor, especially body odor.

Ha ha! Look who's not perfect! I was actually about to say that J Lo looked kind of nice in this sweater dress, until I realized that she was sweating like a pig in it. Boy, I sure envy the dry cleaning employee who gets the pleasure of dealing with this biohazard. No, I really do. Whoever it is will probably get three Christmas bonuses this year.

Reunited: (Verb) To come together again after a period of separation or disunity.

Brad was finally able to duck Angie and the brood to spend some quality time with the Jack to his Ennis, BFF George Clooney at the Venice Film Festival this week. It would make sense though, wouldn't it? Why George can never settle down with a lady? Because his one, great, true love is forbidden!! It's the ultimate tragic romance!

I guess we'll only know for sure if he's eventually robbed and beaten to death by a gang of hustlers down in Tijuana. Which would be really, really sad, of course -- but also make for one helluvan "E! True Hollywood Story." You have to admit.

He wishes he could quit you, George:

Role Playing: (Noun) The acting out or performance of a particular role, either consciously or unconsciously, in accordance with a person's behavior in a particular context.

With all the Heidi and Spencer news this week, I swear -- it's been like my birthday, Christmas and ladies night all rolled into one. A sneak-peek of Heidi and Spencer's eagerly-anticipated new video game, "Facebreaker," has been released, in which you can actually beat up Heidi and Spencer -- or make them fight each other -- (see above) along with other celebrities like Kim Kardashian.

While there's no doubt a widespread appeal for wanting to kick the motherloving shit out of Spencer Pratt, I have serious reservations that anyone would pay $50 for the privilege of doing so. Especially when it's so darn easy to just stalk the real Spencer Pratt and sucker punch him and run away. Or tase him, which is another great way of causing bodily harm to Spencer Pratt. Not to mention breaking his kneecaps with a baseball bat. And, as always, those things are all still totally free!*

*Cost of baseball bat, brass knuckles and/or taser not included.

They could literally start fighting at any second:

Retarded: (Adjective) Characterized by being less advanced in mental, physical, or social development.

A national boycott for the film Tropic Thunder, the "comedy" starring Jack Black, Ben Stiller, and a blackfaced Robert Downey Jr., is being organized; and amazingly, it has nothing to do with the fact that one of the main characters is in blackface for the entire film.

“Not only might it happen, it will happen,” Timothy P. Shriver, chairman of the Special Olympics, said of the expected push for a boycott. Speaking by phone, Mr. Shriver said he planned to be in Los Angeles with representatives of his group and others to picket the movie’s premiere on Monday evening in this city’s Westwood district.

A particular sore point has been the film’s repeated use of the term “retard” in referring to a character, Simple Jack, who is played by Mr. Stiller in a subplot about an actor who chases an Oscar by portraying a mindless dolt. (Source)

Having not seen the movie, I have a really hard time buying that it could be any more offensive than such classic tard-comedies as Riding the Bus With My Sister or Radio. (Editor's note: seriously, watch that Radio clip I linked. If you can make it to the end without laughing, you are a better person than I.) And anway, if you're going to boycott a film based on the merits, why don't you start with the fact that it's starring Ben Stiller. I'd rather watch an hour and a half of somebody actually beating up helpless retards than a movie with that guy in it.

Retire: (Verb) To leave one's job and cease to work, typically upon reaching the normal age for leaving employment.

Tila Tequila is going to spare the world from a third season of the abhorrent "A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila," because she claims she's finally found the real thing with Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel's daughter Courtenay Semel. Selmel previously dated Lindsay Lohan, so she's obviously got a thing for skanky, undiscriminating lesbians.

Hmm... On the other hand, it makes me wonder if this is all just a big set-up for a brand new "Newlyweds" style reality show featuring the lesbian couple called "Quarantining the Strains with Tila Tequila." It makes sense. Although, some of the enthralling nuances of the original "Tila Tequila" might be lost on this new show, like watching people put disgusting things in their mouths to win the affection of a transsexual Vietnamese boy. Oh yeah, and when they had to eat dead pig genitalia -- that was pretty incredible, too.

Tila and Courtenay at the 20th Anniversary of Madden NFL Football last night:

Replaced: (Verb) Provide or find a substitute for something that is broken, old, or inoperative.

Recently I called Miley Cyrus a "total fucking bitch" for her snot-faced video making fun of fellow Disney pop-tards Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato. Now Miley has finally come out about her former relationship with Nick Jonas who is now allegedly (meaning, is definitely) dating Selena Gomez.

"Nick and I loved each other," Miley said now of her former flame. "We still do, but we were in love with each other. For two years he was basically my 24/7. But it was really hard to keep it from people. We were arguing a lot, and it really wasn't fun."

The couple's breakup at the end of 2007 left Miley in quite a state, which prompted her to make a major style change. "At first I bawled for a month straight. I was so sad. I just went into this weird funk. And I dyed my hair black. (Source)

Twisting the knife, Selena Gomez has also been heralded by the media as "the next Miley Cyrus." This whole thing is kind of poetic, actually... But poetic in the Greek tragedy sense, in which the heroine eventually tries to off herself by washing down a bottle of Kid's Chewable Tylenol with a four-pack of Seagrams wine coolers.

Miley troopering it up at the Teen Choice Awards:

Rock Your Face Off (Expression) What Ben Folds' new video, "Hiroshima" will do to you -- feel it slip off your skull, folks. Beware of nether tingles. There's blood on the keyboard. Oh my God.  

Retired (Adjective) Withdrawn from or no longer occupied with one's business or profession.

For those who don't follow such things, the big news in the sports world over the weekend was the drama and controversy surrounding Brett Favre, the legendary former quarterback of the Green Bay Packers. Favre retired at the end of the season, after allowing Fetal Manning to cornhole him in the playoffs, only to decide last week that he didn't want to stay retired anymore. As it turns out, however, the Green Bay Packes don't want him back, since -- you know -- he's only the best goddamn thing to ever happen to the team and even a bag of Favre's old bones would probably play better than their other option, Aaron "Brittle" Rodgers, whose arms break if the water pressure is too high in the showers. 

Over the last few days, Favre has pleaded, threatened, whined, and wept, trying to work his way back into a starting position. Yesterday, a new and dramatic development took place in Lambeau Field parking lot, where a whopping one hundred (100) people attended a rally trying to pressure the Packer front office to take Favre back.

Wow. A 100 whole people, huh? You know, five years ago, a constipated Favre could've gotten 100 people to show up for a bowel movement, cheering his stool free. Hell, Bible-preaching hobos in town square can command more than 100 people. I've seen briss that were bettere attended than the Favre rally.

How does that pressure feel, Packer front office? I bet they're terrified. If those 100 people decided to give up their season tickets, the waiting list would only be 56,900 people long! That'd cut the 30 year queue down almost seven days!

Take the hint, Brett. Go in peace. Keep your dignity, brother. 

Redonkulous (Adjective) Significantly more absurd than ridiculous to an almost impossible extreme; without possibility of serious consideration. 

You must be kidding me? The new promo trailer for the next "Real World/Road Rules Challenge" has hit the airwaves, and it is apeshit redonkulous. An island. Shark-infested waters. A limited food supply. Rule changes. Gold. Skull crackery. Ass kicking and shirt-ripping yawlps. Maybe this will finally be the one where someone dies. Please let it be Beth. 

Wednesdays this Fall.

I won't tell anyone you watch it, if you don't tell anyone that I do.

Revealing (Adjective) Permitting an elucidating glimpse or a perception of something intimate or concealed.

I had a friend back in high school who had a mother who wore dresses just like the one Lauren Conrad is wearing, only she wore them on a daily basis, just around the house. She was about 60. She'd tanned herself into oblivion, and she drank herself silly every night of the week. After a few too many highballs, she also liked to hit on her son's friends (including myself).

She was not, however, an attractive woman. Quite the opposite, in fact. And she didn't like to wear a bra, either.

But the thing about the dress that LC is wearing, as well as the one little old Mrs. Carple used to wear, was that no matter how respectful you tried to be, no matter how little interest in her breasts you had, nor no matter how hard you tried to look away, it was completely impossible, which is probably what prompted Mrs. Carple to believe that we might have been interested in her incredibly inappropriate advances -- because we couldn't stop staring at her chest. When they're exposed like that, you're absolutely powerless to look away.

All of which is a long way of saying: Just because a guy is staring at your breasts, Lauren, doesn't mean he's interested in you. The truth is, you've given him absolutely no choice in the matter.

Now, go home and put on a goddamn shirt before you catch cold.

Res ipsa Loquitur (Expression) A term from the Latin meaning literally, "the thing itself speaks" but is more often translated "the thing speaks for itself."

The poster for Rob Zombie's 2009 release, Tyrannosaurus Rex, manages to say everything, yet nothing at all. I don't care for Zombie as a director, but based on this poster alone, I'd go see this movie.