Olfactory Bogey

Here’s a tip, Steve Carell. Lubricate your finger before inserting. A little saliva or, if you have it handy, some Vaseline will go a long way toward extracting nose goblins quickly and painlessly.

Here’s another tip, Steve: After you’ve successfully removed your snot rocket, if you roll it between your thumb and forefinger for a few seconds, you can create a spherical shape that’s less goopy and easier to flick. If, however, you flick and flick and flick, and you simply are unable to remove the olfactory bogey from your index finger, try this: Wipe it on your sweatpants, right behind the knee. No one looks there, so no one will ever notice.

Olfactory Bogey: It means “booger.” I just made it up. Right then. Pretty good, huh?