Family Man

In the latest episode of “Hogan Knows Jack Shit,” Hulk Hogan’s wife Linda has filed for divorce after 24 years of marriage. To make matters even more awesome, Hogan didn’t even know about it until a Times reporter broke the news to him. He thanked the reporter for the “great information” then called back five … Read more

Sympathy

Joe Francis is once again imploring the public for sympathy — this time claiming abuse at the hands of guards during his brief stay in an Oklahoma jail. Hope your eyes don’t fall out of your head from rolling so violently. Guards at the Grady County Law Enforcement Center denied Joe Francis food and blankets … Read more

Closet

Paul Barresi, a porn star-cum-private dick (pun intended) who has been investigating Tom Cruise for the past six years, has finally concluded that Cruise is not gay after all, stating that “There hasn’t been one piece of solid evidence to prove that he’s gay.” Well, you know what I say to that? If Christians can … Read more

Sincerity

You think I have something sarcastic to say about Kevin Bacon helping to feed the homeless? Well, fuck you — I’m not that cynical. Jesus. A man can’t show a little sincerity and compassion without some two-bit blogger giving him a hard time? I’m not going to be that guy. It’s Thanksgiving for God’s sake. … Read more

Provoke

Provoke Defined: Stimulate or give rise to (a reaction or emotion, typically a strong or unwelcome one) in someone. Mike Tyson had to report to an Arizona jail yesterday to serve one day in connection with 2006 drunk driving and cocaine possession charges, where he was forced to wear pink socks and underwear courtesy of … Read more

Tactful

I haven’t the first idea what possessed me for the first time in months to click over onto Perez Hilton’s garish gossip blog, where the English language goes to die. But, while I was there, I couldn’t help but notice a quick story he posted about how Jonathan Rhys Meyer’s recent arrest at a Dublin … Read more

Favorite

Favorite Defined: Preferred before all others of the same kind. Oprah unveiled her annual list of “Oprah’s Favorite Things” on Tuesday, which naturally contained the usual assortment of crap for rich, boring white people — including $59 mail-order cupcakes, a Josh Groban Christmas album, fancy Scrabble, Oprah’s Guide to Life, overpriced skincare, and these bizarre … Read more

Whopper

Whopper Defined: A gross or blatant lie. After doing some crack investigative reporting, Us Weekly has uncovered some unsavory tidbits into Britney Spears’ past. As it turns out, not only does the Spears family have a history of mental illness, but Britney was hardly the chaste teen role model she was made out to be. … Read more

Ho Bucket

The first casting choice has been made for the upcoming G.I. Joe film, due for release in August 2009, and it’s a doozy. Sienna freakin’ Miller has been cast as the female lead in the live-action flick, which will be directed by Stephen Sommers (The Mummy). Sienna Miller?! Really?! Granted, I didn’t watch a lot … Read more

Douchenozzle

GQ Magazine named its slate of men of the year honorees today, culling the awardees from the world of politics and pop culture. The Men of the Year issue comes out next week and will feature three covers, which will include Bill Clinton, Daniel Craig, and Kanye West. The honorees also include: Casey Affleck for … Read more